Miss Myrtle’s Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame Part 8

Illegitimi non carborundum – Don’t Let the Bastards Grind You Down

Here for your edification and enjoyment are yet more Inductees into the Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame. These are the folks who leave us dumbfounded, dumbstruck and dumbfucked, in no particular order:

DISCLAIMERS: Any picture/Inductee duplication is purely intentional. You may also notice that the majority of Inductees are men. Dearies, that should require no further explanation. This blog post includes text and photos…because a picture is worth a thousand words.

SPECIAL THANKS to Colonel Morris Davis, former Guantanamo Chief Prosecutor for creating the phrase Rectal Cranial Impaction

OMG, Iowa Caucuses are really over and the “Our liberties we prize and our rights we will maintain” folks have spoken. Firstly, let me say that as a Canadian, this is one of the things I love about American politics. It is messy, it is exasperating, entertaining and for the most part, it is all out there. We Canucks are more politically anally retentive as demonstrated by the former fascist Stephen Harper government, which shut down all national debate and discussion…but I digress.

Cirque Du Toupee was handed a humiliating defeat at the hands of Ted Cruz.  Showing fake humility when conceding, Donald Trump reverted to form in a relentless and hysterical twitter rant the next morning calling Cruz a liar and cheat, and demanding a do-over. Revealed for the sniveling whiner that he is, Cirque Du Toupee is heading for implosion. and its going to be UGE! Ted Cruz, that picture-perfect Tea Party evangelical prays to a GOP Jesus who is so hateful it is embarrassing. Perhaps he comes by that genetically.  Cruz’s father Rafael is a Cuban emigre and RWNJ evangelical preacher who encourages congregants to “tithe mightily”. Speaking of tithing mightily, Ted is married to Heidi Cruz, a Goldman Sachs investment manager. Needless to say. Goldman Sachs has been a big Cruz Campaign supporter. Add the fact that Ted is mucho unpopular in Congress and out, and he fits in perfectly into the GOP Clown Car.

   

Uncle Ben Carson DID NOT QUIT THE RACE but has yet to show up in New Hampshire. Apparently he flew to Florida because he needs a change of clothes, a nap and Plan B. Oh, and he’s furious with Ted Cruz…whose campaign apparently spread rumors that he had quit. Honestly Dearies, I can’t make this stuff up and it truly isn’t brain surgery. The GOP and GOP Clown Car are indeed The Gift That Keeps On Giving.

Here in Beautiful British Columbia, Conservative-In-Liberal-Clothing Christy Clark posed for yet another cheesy photo op after FINALLY being dragged kicking and screaming to sign legislation to preserve our Great Bear Rain Forest and the iconic Spirit Bear. First Nations, for whom the Rain Forest has been home for thousands of years, are also its guardians. As part of the Rainforest Solutions Project, they have relentlessly pursued The Great Bear Rainforest Order on our behalf. See the link to Elizabeth McSheffrey‘s excellent article in the National Observer, below. You know an election is on the horizon next year, because taking a page from the Fourth Reich & Stephen Harper playbook, warm fuzzy TV ads are playing relentlessly, telling us how wonderfully Christy has NOT been doing for BC children and families…The Bigger The Lie

WTF is up with the NFL? They are still partnered with that paragon of slave labor Papa John’s Pizza for the Super Bowl. Papa John’s Owner John Schnatter was successfully sued by New York State Attorney General Eric Schneiderman, for amongst other things, wage theft. Shame on NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell & Co. Methinks we probably won’t be seeing any public service announcements about concussions, during the game…

   

There is a Special Place In Hell reserved for Shepherdsville Kentucky’s classy Mayor Scott Ellis who admitted to soliciting & receiving sex in return for helping parolees, but defiantly refused to resign. “I needed a blowjob” said Hiz Honor. His partners in crime, Bullitt County Sheriff’s Office  fired Detective Lynn Hunt after she uncovered enough evidence to arrest Ellis. Special Prosecutor Mark Shouse “went where the evidence took me” – NOT. The Good Ole’ Boys Club is alive and well in Shepherdsville Kentucky Y’All! Joining Ellis in hell is anti-abortion rights activist and sweet little old lady, Pat Lohman who secretly bought abortion clinics and lured in poor and vulnerable clients who thought they were Pro-Choice. Once there, potential clients were struck by the wrath of god and persuaded not to have an abortion. See the link to Petula Dvorak‘s article in the Washington Post, below. Am willing to bet my life that Pat Lohman would be horrified if you suggested that she take financial care of all of the poor babies she forces into this world. Hallelujah and pass the poverty!

   

Hell-bound too is Martin Shkreli, the Wall Street PharmaScum appeared before a congressional committee this week and smirked his way through the hearing about pharmaceutical price gouging and his companies Valeant Pharmaceuticals International Inc. and Turing Pharmaceuticals AG.  Of course Shkreli invoked the Fifth.  He later tweeted that committee-members were imbeciles. It is comforting to know that this scumbag will probably be convicted on unrelated federal fraud charges. Dare I suggest that Shkreli is a text-book narcissistic sociopath-which describes so many on Wall Street. Am sure his bravado will quickly fade in the general prison population with his new boyfriends…

 

Am nursing a migraine after discussing all of this buffoonery. There is never a shortage of Inductees, on the contrary too many and too little space.

PLEASE tweet me your suggestions for future Inductees into the Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame… Your input is invaluable! And Keep The Flag Flying @MissMyrtle2

Many Thanks to The Looney Tunes Show, Political Cartoonist Varvel, @NYDailyNews  Elizabeth McSheffrey @NatObserver bit.ly/natobsgbr5 @emcsheff  http://www.savethegreatbear.org/region/first_nations, Petula Devorak @petulad @washingtonpost http://wpo.st/HAS91 @RawStory

 

 

Miss Myrtle’s Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame Part 7

Illegitimi non carborundum – Don’t Let the Bastards Grind You Down

Here for your edification and enjoyment are yet more Inductees into the Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame. These are the folks who leave us dumbfounded, dumbstruck and dumbfucked, in no particular order:

DISCLAIMERS: Any picture/Inductee duplication is purely intentional. You may also notice that the majority of Inductees are men. Dearies, that should require no further explanation. This blog post includes text and photos…because a picture is worth a thousand words.

SPECIAL THANKS to Colonel Morris Davis, former Guantanamo Chief Prosecutor for creating the phrase Rectal Cranial Impaction

Well Dearies, The Bundy Militia Stand-Off in Oregon has entered a new phase. Ammon Bundy and 5 of his posse were arrested en route to a community meeting in the city of John Day. Lavoy Finicum was shot and killed.  As someone tweeted, at least he provided his own body-bag (he was Blue Tarp Man – sitting under a blue tarp with a gun in his lap, during the Occupation).  Here’s hoping that Orange will be the new Bundy Black, but it’s anyone’s guess where things go from here. Portland’s Voodoo Doughnuts even made Ammon his very own doughnut…

Speaking of Orange being the new Black,  Karma has finally bitten David Dalieden and Sandra Merritt in the butt. Harris, Texas DA Devon Anderson turned the tables on these slimy creators of the notorious fake Planned Parenthood videos, and instead of indicting that organization, indicted Dalieden and Merritt, for tampering with government files. Their Center for Medical Progress twitter feed has gone silent. In all fairness, this delicious and ironic twist has been a long time in coming. When I open Miss Myrtle’s  Heroes Hall of Fame, Ms. Anderson will be one of the first Inductees.

In the Bizzaro World of Donald Trump, Cirque Du Toupee just received an endorsement from Sarah Palin, and although I can not decipher its total meaning (cracking the Enigma Code was tougher – with apologies to Alan Turing), have no doubt that she is angling for a spot on The Ticket. Trump/Palin 2016 has a certain je ne sais quoi ring to it. Ms. Palin had to leave her endorsement press conference to go bail out here wayward son Track Palin, who had just been arrested for domestic violence. But not before she blamed President Obama for her son’s behaviour and PTSD. Sarah has been busy, what with her unmarried daughter Bristol, spokesperson for Abstinence Is Us, giving birth to a second grandchild over the Holidays.  I for one, am salivating at the prospect of a Trump/Palin run. They are indeed The Gift That Keeps On Giving.

  

Meanwhile, back here in Beautiful British Columbia, Premier Christy Clark, our very own Conservative-In-Liberal-Clothing is busy posing for cheesy photo-ops with Search and Rescue Teams whose budgets SHE CUT…crowing about the paltry thousands she is graciously giving them. She is also trying to ram through the Kinder Morgan Pipeline Project, transporting Alberta Tar Sands sludge through much of pristine BC, to the Coast, and on to the rapacious Asian market. This is the same broad who wanted to close a major connector, The Burrard Bridge, for yoga classes. Talk about downward dog…

  

While I usually rant about one corporation or another, have given this space to the imploding Republican Party. The Grand Old Party has Teddy Roosevelt, and so many others, turning over in their graves. As Republican Party National Committee Chairman Reince Prebus so blithely tweets… “Great job Gov Nikki Haley! Fantastic balance and substance. Our party is the new, young and diverse party!” – in response to President Obama‘s final State of the Nation address. Balance and substance are the OPPOSITE of what the GOP is. The carnage wrought upon American cities and states by GOP troglodytes  is truly breath-taking…The Bigger The Lie! The GOP has lost its moral compass.

  

There is a Special Place In Hell reserved for Michigan Governor Rick Snyder, who is trying to spin his way out of the fact that he poisoned tens of thousands of Flint residents, many of whom are from the black community, while crowing about saving millions as a tough Republican wise-ass. Social advocate and brilliant documentary filmmaker Michael Moore has launched an #ArrestGovSnyder twitter campaign that we all must support.The Flint Water Crisis underscores the fact that the GOP have not only lost their way, they have lost their moral compass. Re-christened his twitter moniker @onetoughnerd to @onetoughturd.

Joining him in Hell, is James Monroe High School Principal Brendan Lyons. Lyons forced the resignation of beloved and award-winning teacher Tom Porton, in the Bronx. Porton, who is a National Teachers Hall of Fame Inductee, has been honored by the City of New York and The Kennedy Centre for The Arts. His legion of student-supporters grows every year. His ground-breaking and life-changing AIDS activism put him at loggerheads with Brendan Lyons, who needs to go and stand in the corner! Meanwhile, Donald Trump BFF Vladimir Putin was found “almost certain” to have ordered the polonium poisoning of yet another political critic Alexander Litvinenko by the official British inquiry into his murder. The bodies of journalists and others who oppose Putin’s quest for nothing less than total world domination, continue to pile up.

            

Honestly Dearies, my head is exploding and it is only January 29, 2016. The Iowa Caucus is on Monday. There are times when I wish I could just go into a coma until November 8. Must break out the Talisker and have a dram or 5. Part 8 to follow soon.

Many Thanks To:  Looney Tunes, Daryl Cagle @dcagle Barry Blitt http://barryblitt.com/, The New Yorker @NewYorker Pat Bagley @Patbagley

Links You May Find Interesting:  @Ammon_Bundy  @christyclarkbc  @CtrMedProgress @onetoughnerd

PLEASE tweet me your suggestions for new Inductees: @MissMyrtle2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Miss Myrtle’s Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame Part 6

Illegitimi non carborundum – Don’t Let the Bastards Grind You Down

Here for your edification and enjoyment are yet more Inductees into the Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame. These are the folks who leave us dumbfounded, dumbstruck and dumbfucked, in no particular order:

DISCLAIMERS: Any picture/Inductee duplication is purely intentional. You may also notice that the majority of Inductees are men. Dearies, that should require no further explanation. This blog post includes text and photos…because a picture is worth a thousand words.

SPECIAL THANKS to Colonel Morris Davis, former Guantanamo Chief Prosecutor for creating the phrase Rectal Cranial Impaction

Dear Hearts, am still reeling and recovering from 2015. It was a horrific year on every front. Am raising a glass of champers in memory of those we lost in Paris, San Bernardino, Charleston, Umpqua, Garissa University, and everywhere our loved ones have been taken from us by gun violence.

Raising another glass to us all, in the hopes that 2016 will be an improvement.

That fervent hope was dashed when Ammon and Ryan Bundy and their Bundy Militia “occupied” the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in  Princeton, Oregon, ostensibly to air land-ownership grievances. This bumbling insurrection spawned the outstanding twitter hashtags #YokelHaram #YallQueda #Talibanjo and many more. The Citizens for Constitutional Freedom began running low on supplies last week and sent out an urgent request to supporters – #SendSnacks. Honestly Dearies, I could not make this up. When care packages began arriving with French Vanilla coffee cream and sex toys, reluctantly coined my own hashtag… #DildosAreUs.

   

That other family Gong Show, fondly known as the GOP Clown Car Presidential Campaign rolls blithely on. The Illuminati continue trying to outrageously outdo one another, but Cirque Du Toupee aka Donald Trump has cornered the market on Hate Fear and Lies . His Hate List has grown from Mexicans/hispanics, blacks, women, workers, unions, The New York Times and yadda yadda yadda, to include Muslims and whatever bogeyman next appears on the horizon . This bombastic, bloviating, bullying buffoon continues to confound the political pundits. The GOP don’t have the balls to stand up to him. If only Donald Trump’s grasp of The Constitution were as his firm embrace of Mein Kampf...

  

NEVER has there been a field of Republican incompetents like this one! Ted Cruz of Canadian Birther fame, has just been endorsed by that great patriot Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty. Carly Fiorina ground Hewlett-Packard and other companies into the dust as CEO and decided that qualified her to lead The Greatest Nation on Earth. Brain surgeon Ben Carson has apparently gone off his psych meds, and visited Egypt’s Pyramids… oops grain silos, to improve his foreign policy grasp, while Mike Huckabilly palled around with Josh Duggar and Kim Davis, and visited The Flintstones, er, I mean Afghanistan. The list goes on and on and on.

Here in Canada, we are greeting the New Year with hope, having relegated despot Stephen Harper and the Conservative Party to the dustbin of history. The Liberals and Justin Trudeau have the daunting task of restoring Democracy, bolstering an economy of life-support (Harper put all of Canada’s eggs in the Oil Industry Basket) and returning Canada to its rightful place in the community of nations. While I didn’t vote for Trudeau, certainly wish he and The Team well. Tea Party North flyweights Rona Ambrose, Jason Kenney, Michelle Rempel and the rest of  The Can’t Shoot Straight Gang oppose Trudeau at every turn…pretending they didn’t create the mess we find ourselves in. I have a suggestion for these imbeciles – STFU!

 

Talk about timing, it’s Oscar Season and The Big Short is now on big-screens everywhere. How appropriate then, that the beacon of Wall Street integrity and financial acumen, Goldman Sachs starts the New Year with a $5 billion dollar settlement for selling fraudulent mortgages, helping to precipitate the Financial Crisis of 2008. Honestly Dearies, GS is The Gift That Keeps On Giving. As does Volkswagen. The US Department of Justice is seeking up to $48 billion dollars in fines for cheating on auto emissions tests. Das Auto … Das Bullshit!

  

There is a Special Place In Hell reserved for Bashar Al Assad. Having decimated and dessicrated Syria,  Assad has murdered more than a quarter of a million of his people, many of them children. He has precipitated an international refugee crisis the likes of which have never been seen. The deliberate and calculated starving of Madaya, Foua and Kfaryawere, is unprecedented since Josef Stalin. And the World again stands by and does NOTHING. Joining Assad in Hell is his enabler, Vladimir Putin, who in his maniacal quest for world domination, continues to bomb Syrian children and their families into oblivion. He has also crossed another political opponent off of his Hit List. Author and political commentator Vladimir Pribylovsky was murdered in Moscow earlier this week. Of course there is NO suspect in the crime.  Our final Place in Hell  is reserved for Republican Governor Rick Snyder, who callously and with deliberate calculation allowed the mainly black citizens of Flint, Michigan to be poisoned by their own water. From railing against the Federal government and crowing his own successes, this pathetic hypocrite is now whining for Federal aid while the Flint Water Crisis deepens. As that great filmmaker and social commentator Michael Moore says… #ArrestGovSnyder.

  

We are only halfway through January 2016 and my head is ready to explode Dearies. Will leave it there, crack open a bottle of single malt and ponder the meaning of existence. There are so many potential Inductees into the Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame… and so little time! Your suggestions are always welcome.

Thank You Cartoonists John Cole, Dave Granlund, Donkey Hotey, Malcolm Mayes, Joe Heller, John Darkow, David Simonds, Joep Bertrams, Mike Thompson

 

 

 

The Kansas City Royals and American Pharoah Saved 2015

Dearies, have not written about American Pharoah capturing the almost unattainable Triple Crown and The Kansas City Royals coming back from the abyss to win the World Series, for fear that I would wake up and discover that it had all been a dream. A glorious dream, but none the less the gossamer wings of a dream…

  

As we enter 2016, am finding it difficult to express my sorrow over the horrific global events  of 2015. The Paris, San Bernardino and Charleston Church terrorist attacks have turned the World on its head. We have been shaken to our core.

  

The continuing genocide in Syria with the relentless bombings of Syrian citizens by Vladimir Putin and Bashar Al-Assad, created a humanitarian crisis the likes of which the World has not seen since World War 2. The deliberate starvation of of Madaya and Zabadani, the flight of Syrian Refugees and our failure to act, have almost paralyzed us.

   

The year started with the horrific massacre of French political cartoonists at Charlie Hebdo, the satirical magazine, by Al Quaeda. Al Shabaab, an Al Queda branch, murders 148 at Garissa University College in Kenya. ISIS – the radical Sunni brand, expands its House of War – exploiting the chaos of the Middle East, to Europe and beyond. Disenfranchised youth from around the World are answering their siren call. ISIS continued its public beheadings, the murder and sexual enslavement of tens of thousands of citizens trapped in their grasp and the destruction of historic landmarks,.

No one in their right mind could have predicted the rise of bombastic, bloviating buffoon Donald Trump. His high-jacking of the Republican Party and polarizing of The Angry American Right Wing is breathtaking to contemplate. The GOP Clown Car is full: Space-cadet Ben Carson proves that going off of your psych meds can be a very dangerous thing, and Carly Fiorina demonstrates that grinding Hewlett Packard into the dust was just a warm-up for a Presidential run.  Jeb Bush underscores the fact that Dubya was indeed a doofus. Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio are embarrassments to their Hispanic roots: Mike Huckabee and rest of this motley crew prove that GOP Jesus is a vengeful, hateful, hypocrite. NEVER in its history has the GOP sunk this low. Teddy Roosevelt is turning over in his grave!

   

Canada’s very own fascists, The Alliance Party-In-Conservative-Clothing, were vanquished by an angry Canadian electorate. Stephen Harper was relegated to the dustbin of History. The Liberal Party and Justin Trudeau – son of late Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau were elected by acclamation. Mine was not one of his votes, but I do wish he and his Cabinet well. They have the Herculean task of undoing nearly 10 years of Harper damage. Especially wish my friend Harjit Sajjan well, as new Defense Minister. Australia’s ruling Liberal Party dumped their despotic leader, Prime Minister Tony Abbott.

 

But I digress…

Watching American Pharoah and jockey Victor Espinoza romp home in the Kentucky Derby, for trainer Bob Baffert and Owner Ahmed Zayat, had my heart pounding. His victory in the Preakness Stakes left me breathless and fearfully hopeful. But his victory in the Belmont Stakes in early June, accomplished what no other horse has since Affirmed and jockey Steve Cauthen in 1978…They won the Triple Crown. It was the same feeling of elation I had, being at Belmont to see Affirmed win. The Heart of a Champions is biggest of all…

And then, that Cinderella of baseball teams, the Kansas City Royals – who knew only too well that defeat can be snatched from the jaws of victory, made it into the World Series again, looking to end a 30-year drought. What General Manager Dayton Moore and Manager Ned Yost did for team owner David D. Glass was magical. Salvador Perez, Drew Butera, Lorenzo Cain, Christian Colon, Johnny Cueto, Wade Davis,  Danny Duffy,  Jarrod Dyson, Alcides Escobar,  Alex Gordon, Kelvin Herrera, Luke Hochevar, Eric Hosmer, Ryan Madson, Kris Medlen, Raul Mondesi, Franklin Morales, Kendrys Morales, Mike Mousakis, Paulo Orlando, Alex Rios, Yordano Ventura, Edinson Volquez, Ben Zobrist  all played with The Heart of Champions.

So it comes down to this – Did Kansas City winning the World Series or American Pharoah winning the Triple Crown, stop the bombing in Syria, the carnage in Paris or the chaos in the Middle East? No, they did not. But sport is also  a metaphor for Life.

As that great wit and raconteur, the late and much-missed Yogi Berra said, it ain’t over til it’s over. Terrorism, genocide, refugee crisis’ – man’s inhumanity to man, will always be with us. Thankfully, the Kansas City Royals and American Pharoah continue to write their stories.  There will always be another pennant to chase, a baby champion to create  and an impossible race or game to win.

And there will always be a reason for Hope in The Better Angels of Our Nature.

 

The Rise and Fall of Canada’s Fourth Reich Part 2: Canada’s Long National Nightmare…

The Rise and Fall of Canada’s Fourth Reich Part 2: Canada’s Long National Nightmare

And so the Election Writ has been dropped…early. In yet another opportunistic and cynical middle finger salute to Canadians, Stephen Harper has called for a longer election campaign designed to further bankrupt the country and put opposition parties in dire financial straits.

Dearies, the Greatest Prime Minister Canada Never Had, former UN Ambassador humanitarian, HIV/AIDS advocate and National Treasure, Stephen Lewis eloquently spoke for us all when he said:

Somewhere in my soul, I cherish the possibility of a return to a vibrant democracy where equality is the watchword, where policy is debated rather than demeaned, where the great issues of the day are given thoughtful consideration, where Canada’s place on the World stage is seen as principled and laudatory, where human rights for all is the emblem of a decent and civilized society…

    

Scorched Earth: For the past year or two, Stephen Harper has pretty much prorogued Parliament and spent much of his time abroad, where he receives a far warmer welcome than he does in Canadian communities. Staging cheesy photo-ops in Ukraine, Afghanistan, Iraq, Kuwait, India, France, Belgium, Poland and The Vatican was the order of the day

        

Dear Leader has avoided having to answer those pesky questions about a tanking economy, healthcare cuts, and other thorny political issues. He has also been busy evening the score with Old Enemies. In his sociopathic mind ANYONE who is not for him – Is Against Him, and therefore on the Enemies List. This list includes everyone from The Supreme Court of Canada, his political opponents the NDP’s Thomas Mulcair, the Liberal’s Justin Trudeau, Green Party Leader Elizabeth May, Women, Teachers, Scientists (#MuzzledScience),  Unions and Journalists, to the First Nations, Metis and Inuit communities, Non-Profits and saddest of all…The Canadian People

    

The Night of the Long Knives: In the past 6-8 months, we have seen the defection of Harper’s closest cronies.  Foreign Affairs Minister John Baird screwed up Canadian Al Jazeera journalist Mohamed Fahmy’s release from an Egyptian prison, mollified Vladmir Putin, and has since gone to work for a rapacious mining company and a former Aussie Prime Minister, attempting to clean up UN agencies…forgive me if I puke here. The ultimate flyweight ex-Defense and current InJustice Minister Peter MacKay, is not running, in order to “spend more time with his family”. Industry Minister James Moore has also chosen “to spend more time” with wife and child after facing a firestorm over his sexting/extramarital affair RideMeWilfredGate.

    

Christian Paradis the International Development Minister decamped, just as the magnitude of Canada’s trade deficits and growing recession became obvious to everyone except the Conservatives. Canadian Heritage and Official Languages Minister Shelly Glover stepped down, just before those horrific propaganda adds about Canada’s Arctic and the tragic Franklin Expedition began jamming the airwaves . Eve Adams defected to the Liberal Party (where, karmically, she lost her nomination!) but methinks she and former Conservative Party apparatchik and pimp Dimitri Soudas, are merely moles. So much for Conservative Family Values and commitment to this country, in its hour of need.

    

The Conservative War Coffers are bulging at the seams with taxpayer monies that they have illegally clawed back from social programs and the sale of stocks and other liquid cash holdings…THAT BELONG TO THE CANADIAN PEOPLE-NOT THE HARPER CONS. Stephen Harper and the Conservative Party of Canada are in essence BUYING THE CANADIAN ELECTION on the backs of Canadian families, our children, our Veterans, Murdered and Missing Indigenous Women (#MMIW), and on and on. (please see Part 1 of The Rise and Fall of Canada’s Fourth Reich)

     

Sucker-Punching Canadians With Their Own Money: In the weeks preceding the Writ being dropped, Harper and the Conservative Caucus fanned out across the country, in what is without doubt the most cynical, opportunistic orchestrated case of outright vote-buying in the Free World. More than 1 billion dollars in “giveaways” TO taxpayers, with their own money, was distributed  by Cabinet Ministers, with the same callousness of Marie Antoinette’s famed (and disputed) “Let them eat cake”. We all know how well that ended for Ms. Antoinette…but I digress.

Lies Herr Harper Told Me

    

Adolf Hitler worked closely with propaganda filmmaker extraordinaire Leni Riefenstahl. Stephen Harper and Jenni Byrne often make the Josef Goebbels and Third Reich propaganda machine look like pikers…but the premise is always the same. The Bigger the Lie, the easier it is to believe: The viciousness of the never-ending tax-payer funded TV attack ads is breath-taking. Harper propagandist-in-short-pants Pierre Poilievre, gushed that the Universal Childcare Credit Benefit (UCCB) that rolled out on July 30 was “Christmas in July for Canadian families”. Joe Oliver’s April Budget was an out and out LIE…sugar-coated in moonbeams and unicorns. In a floundering economy where the Loonie neared 70 cents to the US Dollar today, it most certainly IS NOT Xmas in July for Canadians.

    

NO, Herr Harper Handmaiden, Environment Minister Leona Aglukkaq, Canada’s Arctic – its Peoples and wildlife are NOT safe from the ravages of Climate Change, Vladmir Putin or Conservative Party machinations! PM Harper’s new interest in history by creating lushly expensive Franklin Expedition ads (but cutting funding for the CBC whose documentarians could have done a better job) is ironic, given the fact that he is re-writing the history books as the most corrupt, paranoid and dishonest Canadian PM ever.  And YES, the Tar Sands Miracle has totally evaporated…And NO, Mr. Prime Minister, it is NOT Albertans Fault!

   

The Truth and Reconciliation Commission initiative earlier this year, said so much about Stephen Harper on several levels. Aboriginal Affairs Minister Bernard Valcourt, made me ashamed to be Canadian when he sat through a standing ovation for Supreme Court Justice Murray Sinclair’s moving speech about the importance of All Canadians learning from the National Shame that was the Residential School Scandal, its impact on society, and moving forward in a spirit of mutual respect and cooperation.

    

Gone are the days when Pandering was a crime. In fact, Herr Harper and His Henchmen have perfected the art of pandering to EVERY relevant major voting block out there. Why just this year Dearies, he hosted a post-Ramadan feast at Sussex Drive FOR THE FIRST TIME. He offered financial support to a questionable monument on Cape Breton Island. Intended to honour those who served and died overseas. Mother Canada is offensively tasteless, as the Guardian puts it…as the same Stephen Harper continues to disrespect Canadian troops and Veterans by denying them benefits and services, and raiding their funding to “Balance The Budget”. Until he needs a cheesy staged photo-op, that is. This Prime Minister Know No Shame!

     

And because there is only ONE person who can save Canadians from ourselves…. Stephen Harper, affectionately christened CPC Jesus by Vancouver Conservative MP Wai Young, has shut down any national or parliamentary debate about National Security, and rammed through Bill C-51. Surprisingly enough, Justin Trudeau supported the Bill. Thomas Mulcair and Elizabeth May did not. Now don’t get  me wrong Dearies, it is not that Canada doesn’t need a National Security Bill. It’s just that this Bill is so draconian in the way it has been deviously written. The implications of far-reaching secret security services stripping the democratic rights of everyday Canadians with NO recourse for citizens, is disturbing in the extreme. To say that Bill C-51 is perverse and an abomination, is an understatement.

Perhaps the greatest part of this Greek Tragedy is, that as much as we Canadians hate Stephen Harper, (and remember, Canadians rarely HATE their elected leaders we – dislike them, disapprove of them, are disappointed in them) Stephen Harper, who will do and say ANYTHING to cling to power…hates us even more.

When will Canada’s Long National Nightmare end? October 19 cannot come soon enough… It is your duty as a Canadian to register your displeasure at the ballot box, that last bastion of Canadian Democracy!! Your failure to Vote, essentially means that Fascism wins..

Many Thanks to Kingston Artist Margaret Sutherland, for her brilliant portrait of the Emperor With No Clothes.

I would like to thank the following political cartoonists for their incredible ability to capture the current Canadian political and social climate. In many ways,  cartoonists have become the voice and the conscience of Canadians everywhere…because a picture is indeed worth a thousand words:

• Michael de Adder
• Brian Gable
• Victor Juhasz
• Graeme MacKay
• Bruce MacKinnon
• Theo Moudakis
• David Parkins
• Greg Perry

Apologies for any acknowledgment omissions.

Miss Myrtle’s Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame – PART 5

Illegitimi non carborundum – Don’t Let the Bastards Grind You Down

Here for your edification and enjoyment are yet more Inductees into the Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame. These are the folks who leave us dumbfounded, dumbstruck and dumbfucked, in no particular order:

DISCLAIMERS: Any picture/Inductee duplication is purely intentional. You may also notice that the majority of Inductees are men. Dearies, that should require no further explanation. This blog post has less written text and more photos…because a picture is worth a thousand words.

SPECIAL THANKS to Colonel Morris Davis, former Guantanamo Chief Prosecutor for creating the phrase Rectal Cranial Impaction

Dearies, just when you think they couldn’t sink any lower, the GOP’s 47 Traitors send an Open Letter to The Leaders of Iran. The sheer hubris of this unprecedented move, is evident in its initiator, freshman Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton. He and his cohorts are educating the Ayatollah and his colleagues about what Treason looks like. The Gang of 47 want to undermine President Obama’s ongoing negotiations with Iran to find a peaceful solution to developing their nuclear program. Senator John McCain waffled on having signed the The Letter, saying that a snow storm prevented him from reading it thoroughly. This was after his meltdown in a Senate hearing that he presided over, while welcoming that great  humanitarian Henry Kissinger. You can’t make this stuff up…

      

SHAME ON THE PRIME MINISTER! The discussion about the Gestapo-like Anti-Terrorism BillC-51 was derailed by Stephen Harper’s rant about women wearing the niqab in Canada, and what a subversion of women’s rights the niqab is. This was a bait and switch tactic of the lowest order, and Liberal Leader Justin Trudeau took the bait with some fairly disturbing rhetoric of his own. The Government has banned women from wearing the niqab at Citizenship Ceremonies AND the Prime Minister was frothing at the mouth when he stated that “it’s (the niqab) contrary to Canadian values and rooted in a culture that is anti-women.” Fly weight Minister of National Defense and Multiculturalism ( a dubious double portfolio if there ever was one) Jason Kenney has been taking this ball and running with it. Speaking of balls, how ironic that NONE of the Harper henchmen have any…

    

By the way, Canadian Green Party Leader Elizabeth May advised via Twitter that Conservative Ministers and backbenchers were sniggering during a presentation by a prominent Civil Liberties advocate, during the BillC-51 debate. Speaking of the brilliant, dedicated and relentless Ms. May, I encourage every Canadian to sign a petition calling for her inclusion in ALL election debates. One of Canada’s most eloquent and thoughtful politicians deserves to be heard. Elizabeth May has more balls than the entire Conservative Caucus. Do you know the difference between a cactus and a caucus? The caucus has the pricks on the inside…but I digress

GOP Presidential Candidate Gov Scott Walker Scott Walker feels that “I can defeat ISIS because I defeated 100,000 union protesters”. This is disturbing and hysterically funny on a number of levels. Then of course, there is the confusion over Walker’s stance on Legal Status, Amnesty and The Path to Citizenship…. who knew that one man could take so many different positions on so many euphemisms. He is the Master of the  GOP Kama Sutra. The meteoric rise and fall of Illinois Congressman Aaron Schock was more aw shucks than anything else.  In his swan song, the modest and unrepentant Schock compared himself to Abraham Lincoln, amongst others. Methinks the Iron Bar Hotel and orange jumpsuits can’t be too far away.  Conservative MP Larry Miller told Muslim women who want to wear the niqab while taking the Canadian citizenship oath to “stay the hell where you came from.”.  Larry crawled out from under his rock to “apologize” for this ludicrous remark. Stephen Harper has yet to apologize for his…

      

Dearies, Microsoft Canada‘s Temporary Workers Program is just another example of the Harper Government’s failing pad-the-vote strategy. The “economic worker” plan as CIC – Citizenship and Immigration ads like to put it, hasn’t worked out so well for McDonalds or Target. Microsoft plans to hire mostly foreign workers for its new British Columbia Training Centre. SHAME ON THEM! Meanwhile, Canada’s very own Koch Tank – The Fraser Institute continues to spew forth the usual drivel including an hysterical chart comparing Alberta and Texas’ finances. It failed to make their point for them but did inspire some very funny comparisons between Rick Perry and Jim Prentice. And who can forget Barrick Gold Corp, that beacon of mining fiduciary and moral responsibility. They just added disgraced ex Foreign Minister John Baird and Newt Gingrich ( what adult in their right mind would keep the name Newt???) to the Board. Methinks All they need to do is entice Rush Limbaugh, and they’ll have The Three Stooges!

             

Arkansas is indeed the Gift That Keeps On Giving. There is a Special Place in Hell reserved for Arkansas Rep Justin Harris and his wife. They “unofficially” adopted a young child, who when proving “difficult”, was “rehomed” to the care of their friend, a sexual predator, who then assaulted her. The Rep has also performed exorcisms on” difficult” children in their Sunday School. I would like to “rehome” Mr. and Mrs. Harris to the Arkansas Maximum Security Unit. Indiana Governor Mike Pence is also hell-bound for signing the “Religious Freedom” bill that is really an LGBT discrimination edict-the first in the nation, and a total moral abomination. Adolf Hitler would be so proud! And Hell is waiting for Benjamin Netanyahu. Bibi Dearest used the classic fear mongering card of saying that Israeli Arabs would turn the vote against his beloved Likud Party in the recent election. He squeaked by and is no doubt planning the murders of thousands more Gaza children and the total destruction of Palestine.

    

Dearies, after reading this, need to repair for a dram or 10. The #RectalCranialImpactionHallOfFame Needs to build an additional wing just to accommodate new Nominees. PLEASE SEND IN  YOUR suggestions and donations…they are greatly appreciated!

The Rise and Fall of Canada’s Fourth Reich

Dearies, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper is the country’s most reviled leader since…well, forever. He has dragged this once proud nation down through the mud, pitting Canadians against one another.

It is with a heavy heart that I write my thoughts here. I do not take this lightly…

In Franklin Shaffer’s 1978 thriller The Boys From Brazil, based on the Ira Levin novel, “Dr. Josef Mengele (Gregory Peck) clones Hitler 95 times, and hopes to raise the resulting boys in Brazil, giving them childhoods identical to Hitler’s. His ultimate plan is to create a band of Nazi leaders that can continue where Hitler left off, forming the Fourth Reich”. He then sends them out into the World, to be activated in the future. He is pursued by aging Nazi Hunter Sir Laurence Olivier.

Bear with me here, Dearies. My theory is that Stephen Harper is indeed one of those very boys… metaphysically speaking.

   

Stephen Harper has overseen the final transformation of the far right-wing evangelical Alberta Alliance Party into the most corrupt iteration of the once proud Conservative Party of Canada (as if that were possible, after Brian Mulroney).  He has outdone even the Godfather, Preston Manning. Any comparisons to the GOP Tea Party and its minions, are well-earned. It is almost as if they were functioning by the same play book.

       

From cutting Veterans Benefits – THIS IS CANADA’S SHAME,  to saying in a nationally televised interview, that 1,200 Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women (#MMIW) are not really on his radar-THIS IS CANADA’S SHAME! To Inuit seniors being reduced to scavenging for food in dumpsters, while Herr Harper’s handmaiden and House Eskimo Nunavut Minister Leona Aglukkaq sulks behind a newspaper in Parliament – THIS IS CANADA’S SHAME! To denying needy Veteran’s medical and pension claims and forcing them to PROVE that they have lost limbs, every three years… and on and on and on, ad nauseam. It does not get more shameful than this.

Stephen Harper has pretty much prorogued Parliament since he first became Prime Minister. He has shut down parliamentary and national debate at every level… so much for Democracy. At the very same time he has revved up a Goebbels-like propaganda machine, the likes of which this country has never seen.

    

At the expense of the Canadian Taxpayer he has stage-managed his very own Nuremberg Rallies, The Conservative Party of Canada version is constantly staged photo ops with military personnel – while cynically denying them benefits and aid. More photo ops in the North, a smiling Harper in traditional parka, avoids the still smoldering Nunavut Trash Dump and melting icecaps where polar bears are the canary in that coalmine.

The virtual Nuremberg Rallies take place on social media, because after all, the Conservatives are nothing if not social media savvy. Citizenship and Immigration Canada touting “economic workers” and fast-tracking “economic immigrants” with $$$ is beyond cynical. It translates into either offshore buyers mainly from Asia and South Asia who scoop up expensive real estate in Vancouver and Toronto and do NOT become residents… to poor workers coming to low-paying jobs that are in essence taking those same low-paying jobs away from Canadians. It doesn’t get more cynical than this.

     

Oh wait a moment, yes it does Dearies. Canada’s Economic Action Plan is bombarding the airwaves. As real put-food on the table and a roof-over-your-head jobs disappear, the Tar Sands miracle evaporates, and the Loonie plummets – The Conservatives and Harper would have us believe that we never had it so good. The Canadian Economy continues to tank, and the first sign of that was a subtle one methinks – Former Governor of the Bank of Canada Mark Carney deserts the sinking ship to sail to Old Blighty and become Governor of the Bank of England.

There is indeed a sucker born every minute. And Canadians have to be some of the biggest suckers in the world. Somebody keeps voting Herr Harper and his henchmen into power, and it sure as hell isn’t me…

    

You are often judged by the company you keep. As Canada’s Commander-in-Chief, Stephen Harper helped create such monstrous buffoons as former Toronto Mayor Rob Ford ( and big bro Doug). This drug-addicted trash-talking mayor of Canada’s largest city made it and the country the punchline of late-night comedy jokes. Former Foreign Affairs Minister John Baird failed to secure the release of Canadian journalist Mohamed Fahmy from an Egyptian jail, mollified Vladmir Putin and then jumped ship when the going got rough. Former Defence and now Minister of Injustice Peter MacKay is a gun activist and flyweight supreme. Former Veterans Affairs Minister Julian Fantino insulted Veterans and cut their hard-won  benefits, Former Health and now Environment Minister Leona Aglukkaq is virtually overseeing the genocide of her own People: seniors and others starving, astronomical youth suicide rates and ironically enough as “Environment” Minister, the melting of the Arctic.

     

Oh yes, we cannot forget former patronage appointee Conservative Senator Patrick Brazeau, abuser of women, who now runs a strip club steps away from Parliament Hill. Adding to Canada’s international shame is the determined effort of the Harper Cons to scrap First Nations consultations and negotiations while ramming through pipelines and tanker ports. Not to mention keeping First Nations and Metis peoples living in Third World Conditions… Atawapiskat amongst others is the poster-child for genocide by a thousand cuts

       

The Harper version of The Night of the Long Knives has been to muzzle the press and character assassinate anyone and I do mean ANYONE who speaks out against him. The once proud CBC has been co-opted to act as the Conservative Party PR machine. Propaganda Minister Pierre Poilievre is casting his taxpayer-funded vanity ad net everywhere, and Nightly News anchor Peter Mansbridge fits right in. Is it just me Dearies, or do they bear a startling resemblance to Josef Goebbels? But I digress…

  

Wait, what light through yonder window breaks? ‘Tis Mike Duffy and the Senate Scandal, and “Anti-Terror” Bill C-51. How  ironic is it that an old CBC hack and blowhard may issue the first crack in the Conservative Party warship hull. And speaking of war, Herr Harper has stricken fear in the hearts of Canadians – fear of “terrorists”, fear of one another. Of course he is the only one capable of saving us from ourselves and the Democracy that my father and grandfather fought for…ergo Bill C-51.

So Dearies, methinks there is just no getting around making comparisons to the last days of The Third Reich, and the twilight of the Alliance/Conservative Party of Canada. Laureen Harper, that Stepford First Lady, plays Eva to her husband’s Fuehrer. They are both hunkered down in the Bunker…that metapyhisical closet,  surrounded by sycophants.

If ever there was a time for the Forces of Good to rise up against the Forces of Evil, the time is now. If Canadians fail to excercise their franchise, they will continue to struggle in The Darkness that they have earned.

This cannot end well for Harper and the “Conservative” Party..but the damage they have done to Canada is irreparable. And for that…THEY SHOULD BE ASHAMED!