Tag Archives: Afghanistan

Miss Myrtle’s Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame Part 6

Illegitimi non carborundum – Don’t Let the Bastards Grind You Down

Bugs and Daffy Around Campfire

Here for your edification and enjoyment are yet more Inductees into the Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame. These are the folks who leave us dumbfounded, dumbstruck and dumbfucked, in no particular order:

DISCLAIMERS: Any picture/Inductee duplication is purely intentional. You may also notice that the majority of Inductees are men. Dearies, that should require no further explanation. This blog post includes text and photos…because a picture is worth a thousand words.

SPECIAL THANKS to Colonel Morris Davis, former Guantanamo Chief Prosecutor for creating the phrase Rectal Cranial Impaction

Dear Hearts, am still reeling and recovering from 2015. It was a horrific year on every front. Am raising a glass of champers in memory of those we lost in Paris, San Bernardino, Charleston, Umpqua, Garissa University, and everywhere our loved ones have been taken from us by gun violence.

Raising another glass to us all, in the hopes that 2016 will be an improvement.

That fervent hope was dashed when Ammon and Ryan Bundy and their Bundy Militia “occupied” the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in  Princeton, Oregon, ostensibly to air land-ownership grievances. This bumbling insurrection spawned the outstanding twitter hashtags #YokelHaram #YallQueda #Talibanjo and many more. The Citizens for Constitutional Freedom began running low on supplies last week and sent out an urgent request to supporters – #SendSnacks. Honestly Dearies, I could not make this up. When care packages began arriving with French Vanilla coffee cream and sex toys, reluctantly coined my own hashtag… #DildosAreUs.

AmmosexualsBundy Militia Toon John Cole   Bundy Militia Recruits Arrive TY IamBlueTrek

That other family Gong Show, fondly known as the GOP Clown Car Presidential Campaign rolls blithely on. The Illuminati continue trying to outrageously outdo one another, but Cirque Du Toupee aka Donald Trump has cornered the market on Hate Fear and Lies . His Hate List has grown from Mexicans/hispanics, blacks, women, workers, unions, The New York Times and yadda yadda yadda, to include Muslims and whatever bogeyman next appears on the horizon . This bombastic, bloviating, bullying buffoon continues to confound the political pundits. The GOP don’t have the balls to stand up to him. If only Donald Trump’s grasp of The Constitution were as his firm embrace of Mein Kampf...

Donald Trump Putin Horse BFFsAffluenza-duo  Mad Magazine

NEVER has there been a field of Republican incompetents like this one! Ted Cruz of Canadian Birther fame, has just been endorsed by that great patriot Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty. Carly Fiorina ground Hewlett-Packard and other companies into the dust as CEO and decided that qualified her to lead The Greatest Nation on Earth. Brain surgeon Ben Carson has apparently gone off his psych meds, and visited Egypt’s Pyramids… oops grain silos, to improve his foreign policy grasp, while Mike Huckabilly palled around with Josh Duggar and Kim Davis, and visited The Flintstones, er, I mean Afghanistan. The list goes on and on and on.

2016_Republican_Clown_Car_Parade_-_Trump_Exta_Special_Edition_(18739683269)

Here in Canada, we are greeting the New Year with hope, having relegated despot Stephen Harper and the Conservative Party to the dustbin of history. The Liberals and Justin Trudeau have the daunting task of restoring Democracy, bolstering an economy of life-support (Harper put all of Canada’s eggs in the Oil Industry Basket) and returning Canada to its rightful place in the community of nations. While I didn’t vote for Trudeau, certainly wish he and The Team well. Tea Party North flyweights Rona Ambrose, Jason Kenney, Michelle Rempel and the rest of  The Can’t Shoot Straight Gang oppose Trudeau at every turn…pretending they didn’t create the mess we find ourselves in. I have a suggestion for these imbeciles – STFU!

Cons Lose Cartoon Malcolm Mayes Tory Caucus

Talk about timing, it’s Oscar Season and The Big Short is now on big-screens everywhere. How appropriate then, that the beacon of Wall Street integrity and financial acumen, Goldman Sachs starts the New Year with a $5 billion dollar settlement for selling fraudulent mortgages, helping to precipitate the Financial Crisis of 2008. Honestly Dearies, GS is The Gift That Keeps On Giving. As does Volkswagen. The US Department of Justice is seeking up to $48 billion dollars in fines for cheating on auto emissions tests. Das Auto … Das Bullshit!

Goldman Sachs Toon Joe Heller  Vokswagen Toon John Darkow

There is a Special Place In Hell reserved for Bashar Al Assad. Having decimated and dessicrated Syria,  Assad has murdered more than a quarter of a million of his people, many of them children. He has precipitated an international refugee crisis the likes of which have never been seen. The deliberate and calculated starving of Madaya, Foua and Kfaryawere, is unprecedented since Josef Stalin. And the World again stands by and does NOTHING. Joining Assad in Hell is his enabler, Vladimir Putin, who in his maniacal quest for world domination, continues to bomb Syrian children and their families into oblivion. He has also crossed another political opponent off of his Hit List. Author and political commentator Vladimir Pribylovsky was murdered in Moscow earlier this week. Of course there is NO suspect in the crime.  Our final Place in Hell  is reserved for Republican Governor Rick Snyder, who callously and with deliberate calculation allowed the mainly black citizens of Flint, Michigan to be poisoned by their own water. From railing against the Federal government and crowing his own successes, this pathetic hypocrite is now whining for Federal aid while the Flint Water Crisis deepens. As that great filmmaker and social commentator Michael Moore says… #ArrestGovSnyder.

Assad David Simonds bertrams-putin Gov Snyder Mike Thonmpson

We are only halfway through January 2016 and my head is ready to explode Dearies. Will leave it there, crack open a bottle of single malt and ponder the meaning of existence. There are so many potential Inductees into the Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame… and so little time! Your suggestions are always welcome.

Thank You Cartoonists John Cole, Dave Granlund, Donkey Hotey, Malcolm Mayes, Joe Heller, John Darkow, David Simonds, Joep Bertrams, Mike Thompson

 

 

 

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In Remembrance…Since humans emerged from the primordial slime, man has waged war.

National_War_Memorial

Since humans emerged from the primordial slime, man has waged war.

And I do say “man” Dearies, because with all of that male testosterone raging, women in general, have kept the home fires burning.

Like other members of the animal kingdom, man has lifted his leg and marked his territory, fighting and dying to protect it.

From Biblical battles, to the Peloponnesian War between Sparta and Athens, to The Crusades,

Thermopylae                    Crusaders

The War of the Roses, The Hundred Years War, The Napoleonic Wars and the Battles of Trafalgar and Waterloo,The War of American Independence, The Civil War, The Anglo-Egyptian War,The Russian Revolution, The Boer War, WW1.

Battle_of_Waterloo_1815  civil-war-generals-and-statesman-with-names-war-is-hell-store

WW1 – The Great War, The War to End All Wars, sadly didn’t. WW2 and the Holocaust followed, the Korean War, The Cold War, Vietnam, Margaret Thatcher’s sort of Falklands War. Ethnic Cleansing became the euphemism for genocide in Bosnia and Rwanda. These are just a few of the many wars waged around the world.

Archduke Ferdinand  hitleer  rwanda

And then came 9/11, and the subsequent War on Terror. Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan/India/Kashmir, Iran, Korea.

twin towers

The Berlin Wall may have come down and détente prevailed, but Vladmir Putin takes Russia’s failed war in Afghanistan and turns to reconsolidating the old Soviet Union, starting with Crimea and the Ukraine.

Hutus/Tutsi, Hindus/Muslims, Israelis/Palestinians, and on and on and on…

The latest global threat is seen as Al Qaeda and ISIS. The radical Islamic World is at war with those who are non-believers. And so, history keeps repeating itself from The Crusades and beyond.

The world’s rivers have run red with blood. Empires have risen and crumbled. Democracy continues to be won and lost.

Canadians are world renown as Peace Makers but we descend from and can be the fiercest of warriors. Canada has never failed to step up to the plate, albeit with quiet humility.

My Canadian grandfather fled the Russian pogroms to join the French Foreign Legion and eventually the British Army in WW1. He married then, and emigrated to Canada to start a new life. A short, wiry, stoic man, he raised 4 children and never talked about the horrors he experienced.

My father lied about his age and joined the Royal Canadian Navy. He served in North Atlantic convoys throughout WW2. His older brothers joined the Navy and the Air Force. While the Navy lads rarely discussed the War, my other uncle was a war artist for the Air Force. He accompanied Canadian troops as they helped liberate the Bergen-Belsen and Buchenwald concentration camps. The horror of what he saw there, forever changed his life and influenced his art.

My father met my mother during a layover in Glasgow, when my Scottish grandfather came down to the docks to invite 3 sailors home for Saturday lunch. He regretted this generosity for the rest of his life. Dad returned to Glasgow after the war, and I was eventually born there. This is how War shapes lives.

On this Remembrance Day, I think about Cpl. Nathan Cirillo, standing ceremonial watch outside of the Canadian War Memorial in Ottawa. Cpl. Cirillo served in the Argyll  and Sutherland Highland Regiment . He was gunned down as he stood safely at ease, after serving in Helmand Province in Afghanistan, the killing zone. Warrant Officer Patrice Vincent was run over and killed near his barracks in Quebec earlier in the week. Both were murdered by acolytes of an ideology gaining ground among marginalized, disenfranchised youth.

Patrice Vincent  Nathan Cirillo

From pitched battles to trench warfare to guerrilla warfare to the current insurgencies and proxy battles of lone wolves and drone warfare…

And of course, War breeds spies, from ancient regimes to fictional Britain’s’ Cold War-weary George Smiley and America’s War on Terror, bipolar Carrie Mathison. Perhaps traitorous mole Bill Hayden said it best when explaining his betrayal to Smiley in John le Carre’s Tinker,Tailor, Soldier Spy: “We were bluffed, George. You, me, even Control. Those Circus talent spotters, all those years ago. They plucked us when we were golden with hope, told us we were on our way to the Holy Grail… freedom’s protectors!”

We have always commemorated War in stone and bronze and oil on canvas. My fondest wish is that we will also continue to fight for and commemorate Peace and Freedom, but at the same time remember the history that has brought us here.