Miss Myrtle’s Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame (RCIHOF) – Part 1

Illegitimi Non Carborundum – Don’t Let The Bastards Grind You Down

Dearies, it is absolutely impossible to get through a day without witnessing gobsmacking, as my friend N.O.T.O.R.I.O.U.S.™ says, Dumbfuckery.

I have therefore decided to honor those who leave us dumbfounded, dumbstruck and dumbfucked. The RCIHOF is a registered non-profit, although Revenue Canada may not see it that way.

Began this wee project in 2014, and realized that there would really never be a finite date of completion. This truly is the Never Ending Story…

Would like to recap our recent Inductees for your predilection and INVITE YOU share your nominees at any time…

DISCLAIMERS: Any picture duplication is purely intentional. You may also notice that the majority of Inductees are men. Dearies, that should require no further explanation. This blog post has less written text and more photos…because a picture is worth a thousand words.

SPECIAL THANKS to Colonel Morris Davis, former Guantanamo Chief Prosecutor for creating the phrase Rectal Cranial Impaction

Here in no particular order are your Inductees:

Fox News, for their incomparable search for the Untruth. Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s Economic Action Plan for using taxpayer’s dollars on campaign ads. Senator Joni Ernst for her gobsmacking response to President Obama’s State of the Union address and so much else…

FoxNews   Canadas Economic Action Plan Penises   JoniErnst

House Speak John Boehner for cat-wrangling the GOP. Benjamin Netanyahu for subverting justice and humanity everywhere. The Honorable Kerry Lynne Findlay, Minister of National Revenue for overseeing the farce that has become Prime Minister Harper’s CRA – Canada’s version of the IRS…

Boehner Netenyahu  Kerry Lynne Findlay and PM Harper

Goldman Sachs for their ongoing warm and fuzzy advertising. There is no doubt yet another mammoth scandal is about to blow. Chip Wilson, the clueless Canadian CEO of Lululemon whose hubris is as big as the 2,500 sq.ft dock he wants to build on British Columbia’s Sunshine Coast. Dick Cheney for his great humanitarian work…

Goldman-Sachs-Executive-f-004  Chip Wilson    DCheney

Judge Jeanine Pirro for her obvious self-loathing and hatred of everyone else…plus a dangerously low IQ. Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper for dragging this country through the mud…one of The Boys From Brazil. Tony Blair, former British Prime Minister and betrayer of principles…avid personal wealth and glory accruer.

Jeanine Pirro     PM Harper Emperor    Tony Blair2

Bill O’Reilly that wacky Irish wit, raconteur and Fox News beacon of darkness. The Donald Trump self-made capitalist windbag, all-round nasty guy and flyweight. The Honourable Peter MacKay (obviously Dearies, Honourable is a real Canadian misnomer), that political flyweight and Canada’s answer to the Teabaggers Sarah Palin and Joni Ernst.

Bill O'Reilly   Donald   peter-mackay-wears-no-compromise-pro-gun-t-shirt

Sheriff Joseph Arpaio, a true American patriot-not. The Donald Trump’s law enforcement doppleganger. FYI Joe, doppleganger means a look-alike harbinger of bad luck … not another gangbanger. Harbinger means…oh to hell with it. Don Lemon, that aptly named CNN guy who should really be sitting behind a Fox News Desk. Former Canadian Senator and CBC News shill Mike Duffy. Ironically might have the power to bring down this Imperial Stephen Harper government. Wears public disgrace as a badge of honour.

Joe Arpaio3   Don Lemon   Mike Duffy

Halliburton, that ethically minded offshoot of former Vice President and humanitarian Dick Cheney (see above). A multinational oil conglomerate with tentacles that reach everywhere.Monsanto that model of successful global domination-genetically modifying our food and our minds. Tim Hortons, that great Canadian traitor sells out to Burger King. The late Tim Horton was a mediocre hockey player but his donut empire was epic. Any delusion that Canadians are superior to Americans is sorely misplaced.

Halliburton  Monsanto2    Tim Hortons

The RCMP, Canada’s legendary Royal Canadian Mounted Police. With PR nightmares like officers taking Aboriginal arrestees home for sex, to tasing an unarmed Robert Dziekanski to death at YVR, its time to disband that once honourable outfit. The NYPD for its treatment of folks like Eric Garner. The KKK those wacky cowardly white supremacists and assassins in white bed sheets have infiltrated law enforcement at every level, from police departments to prisons.

Dudley Do Right 6   NYPD   KKK

British Columbia Premier Christy Clark. This Conservative in Liberal clothing is friends with any corporation that wishes to destroy BC’s pristine environment. Soulmate of Prime Minister Stephen Harper. All-round nasty girl. Saudi Arabian Sheikh Mohammed Saleh al-Munajjid issued a fatwa against snowmen. Honestly-it is impossible to make this stuff up. Salman Rushdie is much amused. Dearies, Stedji Brewery in Iceland makes small batch beer with whale testicles. Would love to turn the tables on those brewmasters. Their website says and we quote ” Our brewer is a german genios..”. Am sure he is, and he probably worked with Dr. Mengele.

Christy Clark   Fatwa Snowman   whaleBIG

There is a special place in Hell reserved for Deron Puro and his spawn. When his teenage sons cyber-bullied uber-dad Brad Knudson’s daughter, and Knudson called him out, Puro tried the same. I really hope he has been neutered, Dearies. Under the misguidance of union leader Patrick Lynch, the NYPD has turned its back on the citizens of NYC, not just Mayor De Blasio. There is also a special place in Hell reserved for Bill Cosby, betrayer of trust. The absolute farce of a “comedy tour” in the face of mounting accusations of sexual predator behavior, is beyond nauseating. Not man enough to stand up and face the music, methinks this is going to end very badly for all.

Daron Puro   Patrick Lynch   Bill Cosby 2

Well Dearies, there you have it… a small sampling of our Members of the Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame. Part 2 of this epic saga follows shortly. Frankly, had to stop here or my head would have exploded.

Once again, we invite you to submit your own Inductees @MissMyrtle2

With Many Thanks to   RCIHOF Patron N.O.T.O.R.I.O.U.S.™ – Mr. Militant Negro

New President Renames The White House The Cool House

Dearies, when you look at the standard of political discourse here at home and around the world, it makes one want to barricade oneself in a cave and dynamite the entrance.

That being said, you have to wonder why anyone in their right mind would want to go into politics these days. Women and men who truly wish to serve their communities and countries are being overshadowed by those who seek power, wealth and prestige…at any cost. And that  pricetag for Democracy is becoming increasingly more obscene.

The American Presidential and Canadian & British Prime Ministerial races are particularly fraught with peril. Although Canada’s is far more boring, truth be told. But I digress…

Was listening to Tim Tamashiro, CBC radio’s superb jazz majordomo, on The Tonic. He was introducing a wonderful piece by none other than Dizzy Gillespie, when he mentioned that Dizzy had once run for President. I choked on my champers Dearies. The prospect was mind-boggling but also totally plausible. Hit the research button.


In a 2004 article in the Guardian, the great jazz columnist John Fordham wrote

American politics could have turned out very differently if a little-known presidential campaign of the mid-1960s had been able to vault the millionaires-only hurdle. Duke Ellington could have been secretary of state, Max Roach could have been running the military, and the CIA might have been under the thumb of that master of subterfuge, Miles Davis himself.

The presidential candidate offering these irresistible alternatives was the trumpeter and bebop pioneer John Birks “Dizzy” Gillespie, who declared himself a runner in 1964, up against Lyndon Johnson and Barry Goldwater. As well as a potential cabinet of jazz all-stars, Gillespie’s ticket advocated US withdrawal from Vietnam, putting African-American astronauts into space, and renaming the White House the Blues House.

EllaFitzgeraldDukeEllington 1MaxRoach

Whoa Dudes, Dizzy for President!. I can totally dig that. The Duke, Miles Davis, Max Roach. I would have added Ella Fitzgerald and Sassy Sarah Vaughan to that Cabinet. And Dorothy Donegan could have ridden roughshod over them all…

MilesDavis2SarahVaughan2Dorothy Donegan2

Could the founder of Bebop and his jammin’ Cabinet have set America on a different path? Would the world have followed? I really would love to think so.

When you think about it, jazz musicians – musicians in general, have great discipline and focus, not to mention talent. They know how to play well in the sandbox, something that Congress and the House of Commons need to relearn.  These particular musicians, along with most of their colleagues experienced the worst of Jim Crow and its antecedents. They understood what it means to be a foreigner in your own homeland. They never let that stop them from spreading the Gospel of Jazz and its underlying message of hope.

Jim Crow

Mr. Gillespie and Friends lived through turbulent times. All of these great musicians kept the home fires burning with their magnificent joyous, hopeful music. Most of them still faced the “Whites only”  racism in their everyday lives, not just in the Deep South, but in the North and elsewhere. As Mr. Gillespie once said

Men have died for this music. You can’t get more serious than that

The Second World War shaped the modern geographical map. It saw African Americans serve with distinction, in the face of continuing racism at home and on the battlefield. It redefined all the “isms” – Fascism, Communism, Socialism – and set the stage for the Cold War.

Franklin RooseveltHarry S Truman

Harry S. Truman came to office upon the death of President Franklin Roosevelt, at the end of the War. Germany surrendered early in his administration, Japan would follow. Truman involved the US in the Korean War, making an enemy of World War 2 ally China.

Joe McCarthy Estes Kefauver Lena Horne Arte Shaw                                                                                                                                                                 J Edgar Hoover

Senators Joseph McCarthy and Estes Kefauver went after Communists and Organized Crime. MacCarthy ‘s House Committee on Un-American Activities blacklisted singer Lena Horne and clarinetist and composer Artie Shaw amongst many others, creating a national climate of fear and paranoia. The Kefauver Commission prosecuted organized crime figures and rattled the cage of FBI Director J.Edgar Hoover.

Dwight D Eisenhower

General Dwight David Eisenhower was elected President after Truman. One of the architects of the successful war on the European Front, Eisenhower served two terms.

JFK  Robert Kennedy2  Martib

A young President lived the illusion of Camelot. John F Kennedy flexed his muscles with the Cuban Missile Crisis. He ensnared America in a far-off land called Vietnam. JFK fell under an assassin’s bullet. Brother Robert Kennedy and Martin Luther King carried the mantle for Civil RIghts until they too were felled by an assassin’s bullet.

Lyndon Johnson

Lyndon Johnson inherited Vietnam. The Best and Brightest were far from the best, and it was their stubborn brightness that dragged a great nation into that abyss. President  Johnson did champion and finally enact the Civil Rights Act, but the Vietnam War nearly killed him. And then there was Richard Nixon…

Could President John Birks “DIzzy”Gillespie and His Allstar Cabinet have done a better job? Why not. The Joint would have been jumpin’!

I remember a magical night long ago at the Hollywood Bowl, with Dizzy Gillespie and His Jazz All-Star Big Band. Mr. Gillespie came out to thunderous applause. He made a sweeping bow to the Band, raised his trumpet to his lips, and then transported us to A Night in Tunisia

Dizzy and Kermit

Am raising my class of champers to John Birks “Dizzy” Gillespie and all of his colleagues, who embody the very best of America…courage, dedication, talent, passion. How can you not love a man who kibbitzed with Kermit the Frog!