Tag Archives: Boko Haram

Batman Robin and Villains

Have been feeling a bit depressed, irritable and overwhelmed lately, truth be told. Haven’t You?

The World is going to Hell in a Basket of Deplorables. The 2016 Armageddon Election that installed a Traitor, Brexit, terrorist attacks, the Parkland School and New Zealand Mosque Shootings, Putin, Xi, MBS, North Korea, Syria, Palestine, Yemen, South Sudan, Ukraine, Crimea invasions, bombings, floods, earthquakes, forest fires, teachers strikes, drone strikes, melting glaciers, doomed species, political gridlock and enmity, cancer, suicide, death and destruction: The list goes on and on and on…It’s in our faces 24/7/365.

While listlessly draped on the sofa watching TV, quite by accident, flipped onto an old episode of Batman. Holy Bat Cave!!!

BatCave Adam-West-Batman-Burt-Ward-Robin-Batcave

Laughed so hard for the next half hour, at the beautiful uncomplicated silliness of it all, and also cried for the sheer joy of remembering a kinder, gentler time. As a kid, never ever missed a single original show, and the absurdly wonderful humor is even funnier today, than it was then.

So many thoughts and memories: The Villains. Who can forget The Joker, Catwoman, The Penguin and The Riddler?  Their dastardly evil plots were quite benign by today’s standards. The sheer joy with which Cesar Romero, Eartha Kitt,  Julie Newmar, Burgess Meredith, Frank Gorshin and others played their roles, was not lost on us kids. No scenery was left unchewed, no cliché held sacred…KAPOW!!!

Eartha Kitt Caesar Romero Batman Catwoman  Batman the Joker Pie

The sets were absurdly simple and whimsical. Yes, they had a sense of whimsy without cutting-edge technology getting in the way. The props were hysterical. From the looks of the old TV episodes, it must have cost $50 to make a show, excluding actors salaries (which by today’s standards would be absurdly low). That includes costumes and make-up. The wonderful cheesieness of it all, enhanced the shared experience. WE HAD TO USE OUR IMAGINATIONS.

Reminds me of the early Dr. Who and the TARDIS/Phone box from Britain’s BBC. The austere rough-hewn simplicity and boundless fun of its earlier incarnation was equally and wonderfully cheesy. These were after all, the same folks who brought us Bill and Ben the Flowerpot Men.

DoctorWho_Hartnell_2741758k Bill and Ben The Flowerpot Men

The sheer darkness and introspection of what followed, the Big Screen versions of Batman and Robin, have to a large degree mirrored the ever darkening lens of world events. Early magical Super Heroes like Adam West and Burt Ward, have been supplanted by the likes of Michael Keaton, Christian Bale and Robert Downey Jr., worthy actors in their own right, commanding a larger, brooding stage.

michael-keaton Batman  christian-bale Batman

The gazillion dollar budgets for each new Batman movie and its Super Hero cousins, become more obscene with every film. These budgets could lift several Third World countries out of poverty permanently. But I digress…

The witty repartee flew fast and furious with each Batman TV episode. Even as kids, we knew it was funny and as  an adult, it is even funnier.

Thelonious Armstrong compiled a list of some of “Adam West’s Funniest Quotes as Batman”. Here are a few of them. You probably have a favorite. It’s amazing how they relate to today’s global Gotham…

Batman POW 2Batman SPLATT!

1. “It’s obvious. Only a criminal would disguise himself as a licensed, bonded guard yet callously park in front of a fire hydrant.”  Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin need to be tied to fire hydrants and forced to watch old Batman TV episodes.

 2. We’ve come a long way from the Prime Minister’s exploding cake. Or have we?” Actually Dear Hearts,  we are not even close. Political  character assassinations have become a way of life. In some ways, Mitch McConnell has become the Martha Stewart of exploding cake…

Mitch McConnell Cake Photo

3. “A reporter’s lot is not easy, making exciting stories out of plain, average, ordinary people like Robin and me.” As Comrade Trump and Fox News never tire of telling us, media needs grist for its never-ending 24/7 mill. As Vladimir Putin’s minions at RT would tell you, hacking makes it a hell of a lot easier.

4. Robin: “You can’t get away from Batman that easy!”

Batman: “Easily.”

Robin: “Easily.”

Batman: “Good grammar is essential, Robin.”

Robin: “Thank you.”

Batman: “You’re welcome.”

Batman and Robin 2

Never has there been a greater need for both civility, and good grammar. Bigly! Canadian, American and European politicians are constantly breaking new ground in nastiness. In the Ukraine, they have all-out brawls. But No One has destroyed civility and good grammar with greater zeal and success, than the Traitor-In-Chief, Fake President Trump. Because he is a Very Stable Genius…

Ukraine Parliament 1  President Trump Holds Rally In Phoenix, Arizona

5. “Yes, he moves very quickly for an overstuffed and unlikely Egyptian Pharaoh”  THIS is my new go-to description for Don the Con… with apologies to the late Victor Buono.

Batman Pharoah

6. Robin: “Let’s go!”

Batman: “Not you, Robin. They have strict licensing laws in this country. A boy of your age is not allowed in a drinking tavern.” Haven’t been in a ‘drinking tavern’ in years. Have left all that to Brett Kavanaugh. Funny how in the US you can do your grocery shopping and buy all the alcohol you need at the same time. Here in Cantada, well British Columbia to be exact, we have to go to the government liquor store to buy  champers and single malt whisky. But I digress…

Batman Robin in a Bar

7. Batman “Catwoman, I find you to be odious, abhorrent, and insegrievious.” Don’t know about you, but I just adore that word insegrievious. Am going to make it my word of the month. And how anyone could find the delectable Julie Newmar odious, is beyond me.

Catwoman Batman Insegrevious

8. “Robin: Where’d you get a live fish, Batman?”

Batman: “The true crime fighter always carries everything he needs in his utility belt, Robin.” Am firmly convinced that this is the perfect metaphor for Hero Robert Swan Mueller…

Batman Words 3 Mueller Its Mueller Time Meme

9.  “It is the duty of every good citizen of Gotham City to report meeting a man from Mars in a public park”. Will keep this in mind while watching jailbird George Papadopoulos lie his way through more TV interviews, or during the next wave of Border Patrol and ICE putting more Children In Cages in Trump Concentration Camps, as “illegal immigrants”.

10.   “No, Robin. With my head sticking out of this neosaurus costume, I might not appear like an ordinary, run of the mill crime fighter.”  Said Trumpanzee Alex Jones, to no one in particular – EVER.

Alex Jones Frog

11. .“Bartender, a bit of advice. Always inspect a jukebox carefully. These machines can be deadly.”  This ad hominem always worked well for Brett Kavanaugh, and in various pubs in Northern Ireland.

12. “Let that be a lesson. In future, be more careful from who you accept free lemonade.”  Dear Trumpanzees and Trump Base, Batman was speaking to you!

Batman Robin Lemonade

13.  (after coming through Barbara’s window): “We would have entered the building by more conventional means, but we didn’t want to startle the tenants.”  Am certain this was meant as a cautionary tale re Vladimir Putin and his army of Russian hackers.

Batman Robin Climbing Bldg

All thanks to the Original Guys in Tights, those fearless and pithy crime fighters, The Caped Crusader and Robin.

They weren’t slick or technologically advanced. They just got the job done, and always saved the day. They brought us joy and laughter. Raising a dram to Adam West who will forever be my Batman, Burt Ward who played Robin, Alan Napier, who played  Alfred Pennyworth, and the rest of the glorious cast of unforgettable characters, May the Road Always Rise Up to Meet You!

Alfred Batman Robin in Batcave

Miss Myrtle’s Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame – Part 2

Illegitimi non carborundum – Don’t Let the Bastards Grind You Down

Dearies, here for your edification and enjoyment are yet more Inductees into the Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame. Here are the folks who leave us dumbfounded, dumbstruck and dumbfucked, in no particular order:

DISCLAIMERS: Any picture/Inductee duplication is purely intentional. You may also notice that the majority of Inductees are men. Dearies, that should require no further explanation. This blog post has less written text and more photos…because a picture is worth a thousand words.

SPECIAL THANKS to Colonel Morris Davis, former Guantanamo Chief Prosecutor for creating the phrase Rectal Cranial Impaction

Your Nominations Are Welcomed

Former Governor and Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin  is the gift that keeps on giving. Her incoherent rambling speech at the recent Iowa Freedom Summit had folks rolling in the aisles. Methinks she is Speaking in Tongues. Governor Chris Christie has lost the respect he gained during Hurricane Sandy and continues to bumble his way towards a Presidential Run. He truly does remind us of Schultz in Hogan’s Heroes. And then there is that opportunistic fly weight John Baird. Canada’s Minister of Foreign Affairs is deserting Prime Minister Harper’s rapidly sinking ship. An early pension and lucrative job offers are on the horizon. In announcing his resignation in Parliament, Baird provoked the Michael Corleone hug from his Boss, Consigliere Harper. We know it was you Fredo!

John McCain, Sarah Palin  Chris Christie as Schultz   Harper Hugs Baird

Kim Kardashian’s Ass is also the gift that keeps on giving. It’s everywhere, every hour of every day. When it’s not shilling for some lamebrane product, its chillin with hubby Kanye West – that model of modesty and self-restraint. How, you may ask does an Ass get inducted into the RCIHOF? I will leave that to your imaginations.  Chuck Todd or Todd Chuckles as he is known in our house, is the host of Meet the Depressing, oops the Press. Dearies, methinks he should be arrested and charged with Pandering. You may not be aware of this, but that infamous wit, raconteur and paragon of virtue Zimbabwe President Robert Mugabe has been elected chairman of the African Union. If only the International Criminal Court could get their hands on him, for the genocide of his people…

Kim Kardashian   Chuck Todd  Mugabe

Speaking of Robert Mugabe Dearies, when I tweeted a response to Human Rights Watch’s Kenneth Roth, about Mugabe’s new appointment, the Mugabe Trolls came out in force. None was more self-righteous than George Kibe. George immediately responded with “take your ignorance and arrogance to hell.colonialists and scavangers have no place in africa.u r murderers and robbers.shame.”   When I countered that he, Mugabe and his cronies need only look into the mirror to find murderers and robbers, he lost it. Now keep in mind that this is a troll whose profile quotation is “love can turn the world”. Those who do not learn from history are definitely doomed to repeat it… Sigh. Congressman and former Vice Presidential Nominee Paul Ryan never ceases to amaze. This on-and-off darling of the Tea Party, just proposed over 1 billion dollars in legislation as new chairman of the Ways and Means Committee. How’s that for being a fiscal conservative and deficit hawk! Canada’s very own House Eskimo Leona Aglukkaq makes me ashamed to share citizenship. Our Minister of the Environment (the most cynical appointment ever) has demanded apologies from constituents who had the balls to point out the fact that seniors in her riding of Nunavut were starving to death and reduced to scavenging in dumpsters. SHAME ON HER AND SHAME ON CANADA!

George Kibe   r-PAUL-RYAN-large570     Leona Aglukkaq

Kinder Morgan that beacon of phosphorescent light in the oil biz, never ceases to amaze. From having elderly pipeline protesters arrested to flooding our TV screens with warm fuzzy PR ads about what responsible corporate citizens they are, there is no pristine environment that they aren’t willing to trash in order to make that almighty buck. Kinder Morgan Canada President Ian Anderson is a chump for the ages. Treasure Valley Wines, whose saccharine name belies a Chinese investment group that is buying up Australian and other wineries. These guys who also go by the name 1847 Winery, are the HSBC of vintners. SHAME ON Sue and John Curnow FOR SELLING OUT!  How could Target Canada have missed the mark so badly? That pusillanimous purveyor of stuff has gone back to the US with its tail between its legs, leaving thousands of employees and suppliers holding the bag. Oh, and let’s not forget… the Canadian taxpayer too.

Kinder Morgan   yaldara-july-28-breakouyt   Target Canada

There is a special place in Hell reserved for folks like Eric Dejaeger. The 67-year-old ex-priest was found guilty of sexually abusing children in Nunavut 30 years ago. The abuse of Canada’s First Nations and Inuit Peoples is our National Shame. The Residential School Scandal must never be forgotten and people like Dejaegar held accountable. Joining Dejaeger will be Jonathan Weisbard, the Assistant Attorney General, for demeaning the teacher wh o is suing the state after being raped and nearly killed after administering a test at an Arizona prison. In his report Weisbard wrote “Plaintiff wants to create an artificial impression that the ADOC officers knew she was in danger but she did not know, It makes no sense. Of course, if Plaintiff did appreciate the danger of her situation, as an employee, she could have done something about it.”. This man is a disgrace to the office, the state of Arizona, and humanity in general.  Finally, Boko Haram have taken us back to Stone Age. With their complete subversion of Islam, drug-fuelled hatred of women, peace and democracy, they make the Neanderthals look positively cultured. We must never forget to #BringBackOurGirls!

Eric Dejaeger    Jonathan Weisbard   Boko-Haram_0

Am going to stop here. Badly need a dram or 5. We have so many more Inductees to feature…stay tuned for Part 3

YOUR NOMINATIONS & COMMENTS ARE ENCOURAGED