Tag Archives: Stephen Harper

Where are Batman and Robin When You Really Need Them?

Batman Robin and Villains

Dearies, have been feeling a bit depressed, irritable and overwhelmed lately, truth be told.

The World is going to Hell in a Basket of Deplorables. And nobody seems able to stop it. The Armageddon Election, terrorist attacks, Syria, Palestine, South Sudan, Brexit, Ukraine,invasions, bombings, floods, earthquakes, forest fires, teachers strikes, drone strikes, melting glaciers, doomed species, political gridlock and enmity, cancer, suicide, death and destruction: the list goes on and on and on…It’s in our faces 24/7.

While listlessly draped on the sofa watching TV, quite by accident, flipped onto an old episode of Batman. Holy Bat Cave!!!

Laughed so hard for the next half hour, at the beautiful uncomplicated silliness of it all, and also cried- for the sheer joy of remembering a kinder, gentler time. As a kid, never ever missed a single original show, and the absurdly wonderful humor is even funnier today than it was then.

So many thoughts and memories:

Batman Villains

Ah, the Villains. Who can forget The Joker, Catwoman, The Penguin and The Riddler?  Their dastardly evil plots were quite benign by todays standards. The sheer joy with which Cesar Romero, Julie Newmar, Burgess Meredith, Frank Gorshin and others played their roles, was not lost on us kids. No scenery was left unchewed, no cliché held sacred…KAPOW!!!

The sets were absurdly simple and whimsical. Yes, they had a sense of whimsy without cutting-edge technology getting in the way. The props were hysterical. From the looks of the old TV episodes, it must have cost $50 to make a show, excluding actor’s salaries (which by today’s standards would be absurdly low). That includes costumes and make-up. The wonderful cheesiness of it all, enhanced the shared experience. WE HAD TO USE OUR IMAGINATIONS.

Reminds me of the early Dr. Who and the TARDIS/Phonebox from Britain’s BBC. The austere rough-hewn simplicity and boundless fun of its earlier incarnation was equally and wonderfully cheesy. These were afterall, the same folks who brought us Bill and Ben the Flowerpot Men.

The sheer darkness and introspection of what followed, the Big Screen versions of Batman and Robin, have to a large degree mirrored the ever darkening lens of world events. Early magical Super Heroes like Adam West and Burt Ward, have been supplanted by the likes of Henry Cavill, Christian Bale and Robert Downey Jr., worthy actors in their own right, commanding a larger, brooding stage.

The gazillion dollar budgets for each new Batman movie and its Super Hero cousins, become more obscene with every film. These budgets could lift several Third World countries out of poverty permanently. But I digress…

The witty repartee flew fast and furious with each Batman TV episode. Even as kids, we knew it was funny and as  an adult, it is even funnier.

Thelonius Armstrong compiled a list of some of “Adam West’s Funniest Quotes as Batman” and I would like to discuss each of them. They are so relevant to the world that we find ourselves in these days:

Batman POW 2

  1. “It’s obvious. Only a criminal would disguise himself as a licensed, bonded guard yet callously park in front of a fire hydrant.”  Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin need to be tied to fire hydrants and forced to watch old Batman TV episodes
  2. Batman SPLATT!
  3. We’ve come a long way from the Prime Minister’s exploding cake. Or have we?” Actually Dearies, we still have a ways to go. Political and character assassinations have become a way of life, and are much less fun than exploding cake. In some ways, Paul Ryan has become the Martha Stewart of exploding cake.
  4. “A reporter’s lot is not easy, making exciting stories out of plain, average, ordinary people like Robin and me.” As Comrade Trump and Fox News never tire of telling us, media needs grist for its never-ending 24/7 mill. As Vladimir Putin’s minions would tell you, hacking makes it a hell of a lot easier.
  5. “It’s sometimes difficult to think clearly when you’re strapped to a printing press.” Hmmm, wouldn’t if be fun to strap Comrade Trump and Vladimir Putin to a printing press…

Batman

5. Robin: “You can’t get away from Batman that easy!”

Batman: “Easily.”

Robin: “Easily.”

Batman: “Good grammar is essential, Robin.”

Robin: “Thank you.”

Batman: “You’re welcome.”

Dearies, never has there been a greater need for both civility, and good grammar. Bigly! Canadian, American and European politicians are constantly breaking new ground in nastiness. And in the Ukraine, why they just throw their politicians into the dumpster Listen to any of Canada’s CBC (Our version of The Beeb) radio’s news broadcasts, and you will want to throw yourself in front of a bus, over the appalling grammar.

Batman Pharoah

6. “Yes, he moves very quickly for an overstuffed and unlikely Egyptian Pharaoh” Dearies, I admit to almost being at a loss with this one. No, hold on, am getting a picture of Governor Chris Christie in my mind…

  1.  Robin: “Let’s go!”

Batman: “Not you, Robin. They have strict licensing laws in this country. A boy of your age is not allowed in a drinking tavern.” Dearies, haven’t been in a drinking tavern in years. Have left all that to Steve Bannon. Funny how in the US you can do your grocery shopping and buy all the alcohol you need at the same time. Here in Cantada, well British Columbia to be exact, I have to go to the government liquor store to buy my champers.

Batman Robin Chief OHara Commiss Gordon

8. Chief O’Hara: “Will you be wanting extra police protection?”

Batman: “No thank you, Chief O’Hara. This time I think Robin and I better go at it alone. Any large contingent of police officers might create unnecessary confusion.

Well, this is a no-brainer – If I see one more cheesy photo-op of Comrade Trump and gaggles of law-enforcement officers, am going to puke!

Batman Catwoman

9. “Catwoman, I find you to be odious, abhorrent, and insegrievious.”I just adore that word insegrievious. Am going to make it my word of the month. And how anyone could find the delectable Julie Newmar odious, is beyond me.

Batman

10. “Robin: Where’d you get a live fish, Batman?”

Batman: “The true crimefighter always carries everything he needs in his utility belt, Robin.”

Dearies, it is quite clear to me that Paul Ryan, Mitch McConnell and the usual GOP Jesus suspects have NEVER lived by this critical rule

Batman Words 3

11.  “It is the duty of every good citizen of Gotham City to report meeting a man from Mars in a public park”. Will keep this in mind while watching the next episode of “Homeland” or during the next ICE raids rounding up “illegal immigrants”.

12.   “No, Robin. With my head sticking out of this neosaurus costume, I might not appear like an ordinary, run of the mill crimefighter.”  Said Attorney General Jeff Sessions to to no one in particular.

13. .“Bartender, a bit of advice. Always inspect a jukebox carefully. These machines can be deadly.”  This ad hominem always worked well on “Cheers” and in various pubs in Northern Ireland.

14. “Let that be a lesson. In future, be more careful from who you accept free lemonade.”  With apologies to those in Jonestown but not those in The Tea Party…

Batman Robin Climbing Bldg

15.  (after coming through Barbara’s window): “We would have entered the building by more conventional means, but we didn’t want to startle the tenants.”  I believe the Navy Seals who found and killed Osama Bin Laden, live by this motto.

Thank You Thelonius Armstrong.

So Dearies, after putting these thoughts to paper, metaphorically speaking, am starting to breathe a bit easier, to feel a certain heaviness lifting off my chest. Feel somewhat re-enerergized and ready to fight yet another day in the trenches. All thanks to the Original Guys in Tights, those fearless and pithy crimefighters, The Caped Crusader and Robin.

They weren’t slick, they weren’t technologically advanced. They just got the job done. And made us laugh along the way. Raising a glass of champers to Batman and Robin, and All Who Sailed with Them…

***Footnote: Raising a glass or 3 in Memory of The ONLY Batman who could make us laugh, the late Adam West. To Live in Hearts We Leave Behind, Is Not to Die.

Batman Alfred 2

Miss Myrtle’s Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame Part 11

Illegitimi non carborundum – Don’t Let the Bastards Grind You Down

Here for your edification and enjoyment are yet more Inductees into the Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame. These are the folks who leave us dumbstruck, dumbfounded and dumbfucked. DISCLAIMERS: Any picture/Inductee duplication is purely intentional. You may also notice that the majority of Inductees are men. That should require no further explanation. This blog post includes text and photos…because a picture is worth a thousand words.

SPECIAL THANKS to Colonel Morris Davis, former Guantanamo Chief Prosecutor, for creating the phrase Rectal Cranial Impaction

Bugs and Daffy Around Campfire

Breaking with tradition, am inducting only Canadians in this blog post. It’s a bit of an education for our American, Aussie, British, European and other cousins. Bear with me, there is more than enough stupidity to go around.

Well Dear Hearts, the American Election had shifted the focus off many Tea Party North nefarious shenanigans. And nothing says Tea Party North like the Conservative Party of Canada Leadership race and upcoming British Columbia election in 2017… with the Conservatives-In-Liberal-Clothing.

It is impossible to choose which of the flyweights and nincompoops running for the Leadership since Stephen Harper had his hateful arse kicked to the curb, is more deplorable. But the Conservatives are gathered around the campfire and they’re roasting their weenies…

kellie-leitch-chris-alexander-barbaric-cultural-practices kevin-oleary

My personal favorite is Dr. Kellie Leitch. She reminds me of Michele Bachmann, she of the Tea Party Tin Foil Hat Brigade. While Minister for Women under Herr Harper, Leitch’s accomplishments on behalf of her Canadian sisters were stunning. The high point was undoubtedly the removal of the 12% tampon tax. Kellie, a grateful nation will never forget your sacrifice! But wait – there’s more! Dr. Leitch stepped up to the podium with colleague Chris Alexander, then- Immigration Minister, to propose that Canadians rat-out each other and report on Barbaric Cultural Practices. I kid you not. Inform on your Muslim and other “foreign” neighbors.This was part of the fear-mongering hysteria the Conservatives whipped up as Election 2015 neared.

It turns out Dr. Leitch was just getting warmed up. Oblivious to the quote “physician heal thyself” she is running for the Leadership of the Canadian Conservative Party, in part on a platform she likes to call screening immigrants for anti-Canadian values. Does that sound vaguely familiar? It should.

In a tip of the hat to Donald Trump, bombastic, bloviating, bullying business buffoon Kevin So Bleary of Shark Tank fame, has thrown his hat in the ring, as have many others incompetents.

michelle-stilwell peter-fassbinder

There is a special place in Hell reserved for British Columbia’s Minister of Social Development Michelle Stilwell and her colleague Peter Fassbender, Minister of Everything Else including Translink, our regional transportation network. Fassbender ground teachers into the dust as Education Minister. Just when you thought Donald Trump had set the bar as low as it could go by refusing to rent to African-Americans in the 70’s and 80’s and then courting their votes in the recent election … along comes Tea Party North, British Columbia branch.

Taking yet another page from the Stephen Harper – Joe Oliver  balance-the-budget playbook, Premier Christy Clark’s minions clawed back Disability Bus Passes from over 3,500 needy people. This forced people to choose between having enough food to eat or do without public transit. At the same time, the Ministry pretended they were increasing Income Assistance (Canadian welfare/The Dole) rates  that had been frozen for over the past 8 years, even as the cost of living rose dramatically during that time.

But wait – there’s more!  Then the BC Liberals launched relentless TV ads crowing about how fiscally responsible they are – with a huge budget surplus, nearly a year out from the election. It doesn’t get more cynically opportunistic than this, balancing the budget on the backs of the most vulnerable. But wait – it does! They launched their new election slogan “British Columbia – The Future Is Here“. Well, I say NO. It is fucking NOT, if you happen to be poor and disabled!

site-c-dame kinder-morgan-march-vancouvver

Don’t get me started on Site C Dam or the Kinder Morgan TransMountain Pipeline and Petronas LNG tanker terminals. British Columbia has some of the most breathtaking natural habitat in the world and it is under siege by Big Oil and Gas and other corporate entities. Will do another blog post about that shortly. Gawd, I need a drink. Fittingly, the BC Conservatives-In-Liberal-Clothing make me want to cry in my beer, then deny me the beer to cry in.

Rare white kermode bear mother and cub in the Great Bear Rainforest, British Columbia, Canada - Nov 2014 christy-clark-royals

Would someone please explain to Betty Battenberg that Christy Clark did NOT deserve to receive an award at Buckingham Palace for saving The Great Bear Rainforest! The Great Bear Rainforest has been saved in spite of – not because of her. And it is not out of the woods so to speak, as she and the BC Liberal Caucus continue to allow annual bear hunts of endangered grizzlies in an elaborate bait-and-switch license scam.

Am stopping here before my brain explodes – the smoke is actually coming out my ears. And you thought it was easy being Canadian, eh.

Miss Myrtle’s Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame Part 8

Illegitimi non carborundum – Don’t Let the Bastards Grind You Down

Bugs and Daffy Around Campfire

Here for your edification and enjoyment are yet more Inductees into the Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame. These are the folks who leave us dumbfounded, dumbstruck and dumbfucked, in no particular order:

DISCLAIMERS: Any picture/Inductee duplication is purely intentional. You may also notice that the majority of Inductees are men. Dearies, that should require no further explanation. This blog post includes text and photos…because a picture is worth a thousand words.

SPECIAL THANKS to Colonel Morris Davis, former Guantanamo Chief Prosecutor for creating the phrase Rectal Cranial Impaction

OMG, Iowa Caucuses are really over and the “Our liberties we prize and our rights we will maintain” folks have spoken. Firstly, let me say that as a Canadian, this is one of the things I love about American politics. It is messy, it is exasperating, entertaining and for the most part, it is all out there. We Canucks are more politically anally retentive as demonstrated by the former fascist Stephen Harper government, which shut down all national debate and discussion…but I digress.

Donald Trump

Cirque Du Toupee was handed a humiliating defeat at the hands of Ted Cruz.  Showing fake humility when conceding, Donald Trump reverted to form in a relentless and hysterical twitter rant the next morning calling Cruz a liar and cheat, and demanding a do-over. Revealed for the sniveling whiner that he is, Cirque Du Toupee is heading for implosion. and its going to be UGE! Ted Cruz, that picture-perfect Tea Party evangelical prays to a GOP Jesus who is so hateful it is embarrassing. Perhaps he comes by that genetically.  Cruz’s father Rafael is a Cuban emigre and RWNJ evangelical preacher who encourages congregants to “tithe mightily”. Speaking of tithing mightily, Ted is married to Heidi Cruz, a Goldman Sachs investment manager. Needless to say. Goldman Sachs has been a big Cruz Campaign supporter. Add the fact that Ted is mucho unpopular in Congress and out, and he fits in perfectly into the GOP Clown Car.

Donald Tump Toon Varvel   Ted Cruz

Uncle Ben Carson DID NOT QUIT THE RACE but has yet to show up in New Hampshire. Apparently he flew to Florida because he needs a change of clothes, a nap and Plan B. Oh, and he’s furious with Ted Cruz…whose campaign apparently spread rumors that he had quit. Honestly Dearies, I can’t make this stuff up and it truly isn’t brain surgery. The GOP and GOP Clown Car are indeed The Gift That Keeps On Giving.

Ben Carson

Here in Beautiful British Columbia, Conservative-In-Liberal-Clothing Christy Clark posed for yet another cheesy photo op after FINALLY being dragged kicking and screaming to sign legislation to preserve our Great Bear Rain Forest and the iconic Spirit Bear. First Nations, for whom the Rain Forest has been home for thousands of years, are also its guardians. As part of the Rainforest Solutions Project, they have relentlessly pursued The Great Bear Rainforest Order on our behalf. See the link to Elizabeth McSheffrey‘s excellent article in the National Observer, below. You know an election is on the horizon next year, because taking a page from the Fourth Reich & Stephen Harper playbook, warm fuzzy TV ads are playing relentlessly, telling us how wonderfully Christy has NOT been doing for BC children and families…The Bigger The Lie

Great Bear RainForest

WTF is up with the NFL? They are still partnered with that paragon of slave labor Papa John’s Pizza for the Super Bowl. Papa John’s Owner John Schnatter was successfully sued by New York State Attorney General Eric Schneiderman, for amongst other things, wage theft. Shame on NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell & Co. Methinks we probably won’t be seeing any public service announcements about concussions, during the game…

Roger Goodell   PAPA JOHNSJohn Shnatter and Peyton Manning

There is a Special Place In Hell reserved for Shepherdsville Kentucky’s classy Mayor Scott Ellis who admitted to soliciting & receiving sex in return for helping parolees, but defiantly refused to resign. “I needed a blowjob” said Hiz Honor. His partners in crime, Bullitt County Sheriff’s Office  fired Detective Lynn Hunt after she uncovered enough evidence to arrest Ellis. Special Prosecutor Mark Shouse “went where the evidence took me” – NOT. The Good Ole’ Boys Club is alive and well in Shepherdsville Kentucky Y’All! Joining Ellis in hell is anti-abortion rights activist and sweet little old lady, Pat Lohman who secretly bought abortion clinics and lured in poor and vulnerable clients who thought they were Pro-Choice. Once there, potential clients were struck by the wrath of god and persuaded not to have an abortion. See the link to Petula Dvorak‘s article in the Washington Post, below. Am willing to bet my life that Pat Lohman would be horrified if you suggested that she take financial care of all of the poor babies she forces into this world. Hallelujah and pass the poverty!

Scott Ellis    Dvorak__1331454537890

Hell-bound too is Martin Shkreli, the Wall Street PharmaScum appeared before a congressional committee this week and smirked his way through the hearing about pharmaceutical price gouging and his companies Valeant Pharmaceuticals International Inc. and Turing Pharmaceuticals AG.  Of course Shkreli invoked the Fifth.  He later tweeted that committee-members were imbeciles. It is comforting to know that this scumbag will probably be convicted on unrelated federal fraud charges. Dare I suggest that Shkreli is a text-book narcissistic sociopath-which describes so many on Wall Street. Am sure his bravado will quickly fade in the general prison population with his new boyfriends…

Martin Shkreli AP_martin_shkreli_as_04_160204_4x3_992

Am nursing a migraine after discussing all of this buffoonery. There is never a shortage of Inductees, on the contrary too many and too little space.

PLEASE tweet me your suggestions for future Inductees into the Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame… Your input is invaluable! And Keep The Flag Flying @MissMyrtle2

Many Thanks to The Looney Tunes Show, Political Cartoonist Varvel, @NYDailyNews  Elizabeth McSheffrey @NatObserver @emcsheff  http://www.savethegreatbear.org/region/first_nations, Petula Devorak @petulad @washingtonpost http://wpo.st/HAS91 @RawStory

 

 

Miss Myrtle’s Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame Part 6

Illegitimi non carborundum – Don’t Let the Bastards Grind You Down

Bugs and Daffy Around Campfire

Here for your edification and enjoyment are yet more Inductees into the Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame. These are the folks who leave us dumbfounded, dumbstruck and dumbfucked, in no particular order:

DISCLAIMERS: Any picture/Inductee duplication is purely intentional. You may also notice that the majority of Inductees are men. Dearies, that should require no further explanation. This blog post includes text and photos…because a picture is worth a thousand words.

SPECIAL THANKS to Colonel Morris Davis, former Guantanamo Chief Prosecutor for creating the phrase Rectal Cranial Impaction

Dear Hearts, am still reeling and recovering from 2015. It was a horrific year on every front. Am raising a glass of champers in memory of those we lost in Paris, San Bernardino, Charleston, Umpqua, Garissa University, and everywhere our loved ones have been taken from us by gun violence.

Raising another glass to us all, in the hopes that 2016 will be an improvement.

That fervent hope was dashed when Ammon and Ryan Bundy and their Bundy Militia “occupied” the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in  Princeton, Oregon, ostensibly to air land-ownership grievances. This bumbling insurrection spawned the outstanding twitter hashtags #YokelHaram #YallQueda #Talibanjo and many more. The Citizens for Constitutional Freedom began running low on supplies last week and sent out an urgent request to supporters – #SendSnacks. Honestly Dearies, I could not make this up. When care packages began arriving with French Vanilla coffee cream and sex toys, reluctantly coined my own hashtag… #DildosAreUs.

AmmosexualsBundy Militia Toon John Cole   Bundy Militia Recruits Arrive TY IamBlueTrek

That other family Gong Show, fondly known as the GOP Clown Car Presidential Campaign rolls blithely on. The Illuminati continue trying to outrageously outdo one another, but Cirque Du Toupee aka Donald Trump has cornered the market on Hate Fear and Lies . His Hate List has grown from Mexicans/hispanics, blacks, women, workers, unions, The New York Times and yadda yadda yadda, to include Muslims and whatever bogeyman next appears on the horizon . This bombastic, bloviating, bullying buffoon continues to confound the political pundits. The GOP don’t have the balls to stand up to him. If only Donald Trump’s grasp of The Constitution were as his firm embrace of Mein Kampf...

Donald Trump Putin Horse BFFsAffluenza-duo  Mad Magazine

NEVER has there been a field of Republican incompetents like this one! Ted Cruz of Canadian Birther fame, has just been endorsed by that great patriot Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty. Carly Fiorina ground Hewlett-Packard and other companies into the dust as CEO and decided that qualified her to lead The Greatest Nation on Earth. Brain surgeon Ben Carson has apparently gone off his psych meds, and visited Egypt’s Pyramids… oops grain silos, to improve his foreign policy grasp, while Mike Huckabilly palled around with Josh Duggar and Kim Davis, and visited The Flintstones, er, I mean Afghanistan. The list goes on and on and on.

2016_Republican_Clown_Car_Parade_-_Trump_Exta_Special_Edition_(18739683269)

Here in Canada, we are greeting the New Year with hope, having relegated despot Stephen Harper and the Conservative Party to the dustbin of history. The Liberals and Justin Trudeau have the daunting task of restoring Democracy, bolstering an economy of life-support (Harper put all of Canada’s eggs in the Oil Industry Basket) and returning Canada to its rightful place in the community of nations. While I didn’t vote for Trudeau, certainly wish he and The Team well. Tea Party North flyweights Rona Ambrose, Jason Kenney, Michelle Rempel and the rest of  The Can’t Shoot Straight Gang oppose Trudeau at every turn…pretending they didn’t create the mess we find ourselves in. I have a suggestion for these imbeciles – STFU!

Cons Lose Cartoon Malcolm Mayes Tory Caucus

Talk about timing, it’s Oscar Season and The Big Short is now on big-screens everywhere. How appropriate then, that the beacon of Wall Street integrity and financial acumen, Goldman Sachs starts the New Year with a $5 billion dollar settlement for selling fraudulent mortgages, helping to precipitate the Financial Crisis of 2008. Honestly Dearies, GS is The Gift That Keeps On Giving. As does Volkswagen. The US Department of Justice is seeking up to $48 billion dollars in fines for cheating on auto emissions tests. Das Auto … Das Bullshit!

Goldman Sachs Toon Joe Heller  Vokswagen Toon John Darkow

There is a Special Place In Hell reserved for Bashar Al Assad. Having decimated and dessicrated Syria,  Assad has murdered more than a quarter of a million of his people, many of them children. He has precipitated an international refugee crisis the likes of which have never been seen. The deliberate and calculated starving of Madaya, Foua and Kfaryawere, is unprecedented since Josef Stalin. And the World again stands by and does NOTHING. Joining Assad in Hell is his enabler, Vladimir Putin, who in his maniacal quest for world domination, continues to bomb Syrian children and their families into oblivion. He has also crossed another political opponent off of his Hit List. Author and political commentator Vladimir Pribylovsky was murdered in Moscow earlier this week. Of course there is NO suspect in the crime.  Our final Place in Hell  is reserved for Republican Governor Rick Snyder, who callously and with deliberate calculation allowed the mainly black citizens of Flint, Michigan to be poisoned by their own water. From railing against the Federal government and crowing his own successes, this pathetic hypocrite is now whining for Federal aid while the Flint Water Crisis deepens. As that great filmmaker and social commentator Michael Moore says… #ArrestGovSnyder.

Assad David Simonds bertrams-putin Gov Snyder Mike Thonmpson

We are only halfway through January 2016 and my head is ready to explode Dearies. Will leave it there, crack open a bottle of single malt and ponder the meaning of existence. There are so many potential Inductees into the Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame… and so little time! Your suggestions are always welcome.

Thank You Cartoonists John Cole, Dave Granlund, Donkey Hotey, Malcolm Mayes, Joe Heller, John Darkow, David Simonds, Joep Bertrams, Mike Thompson

 

 

 

The Kansas City Royals and American Pharoah Saved 2015

Dearies, have not written about American Pharoah capturing the almost unattainable Triple Crown and The Kansas City Royals coming back from the abyss to win the World Series, for fear that I would wake up and discover that it had all been a dream. A glorious dream, but none the less the gossamer wings of a dream…

American Pharoah (2)  Kansas City Royals Win World Series

As we enter 2016, am finding it difficult to express my sorrow over the horrific global events  of 2015. The Paris, San Bernardino and Charleston Church terrorist attacks have turned the World on its head. We have been shaken to our core.

Paris After ISIS Attacks 2 San Bernardino Charleston Church Victims

The continuing genocide in Syria with the relentless bombings of Syrian citizens by Vladimir Putin and Bashar Al-Assad, created a humanitarian crisis the likes of which the World has not seen since World War 2. The deliberate starvation of of Madaya and Zabadani, the flight of Syrian Refugees and our failure to act, have almost paralyzed us.

Syrian Refugee Camp  Alan Kurdi  ISIS Flag

The year started with the horrific massacre of French political cartoonists at Charlie Hebdo, the satirical magazine, by Al Quaeda. Al Shabaab, an Al Queda branch, murders 148 at Garissa University College in Kenya. ISIS – the radical Sunni brand, expands its House of War – exploiting the chaos of the Middle East, to Europe and beyond. Disenfranchised youth from around the World are answering their siren call. ISIS continued its public beheadings, the murder and sexual enslavement of tens of thousands of citizens trapped in their grasp and the destruction of historic landmarks,.

No one in their right mind could have predicted the rise of bombastic, bloviating buffoon Donald Trump. His high-jacking of the Republican Party and polarizing of The Angry American Right Wing is breathtaking to contemplate. The GOP Clown Car is full: Space-cadet Ben Carson proves that going off of your psych meds can be a very dangerous thing, and Carly Fiorina demonstrates that grinding Hewlett Packard into the dust was just a warm-up for a Presidential run.  Jeb Bush underscores the fact that Dubya was indeed a doofus. Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio are embarrassments to their Hispanic roots: Mike Huckabee and rest of this motley crew prove that GOP Jesus is a vengeful, hateful, hypocrite. NEVER in its history has the GOP sunk this low. Teddy Roosevelt is turning over in his grave!

GOP Clown Car Toon (2)    Donald Trump Putin Horse BFFs

Canada’s very own fascists, The Alliance Party-In-Conservative-Clothing, were vanquished by an angry Canadian electorate. Stephen Harper was relegated to the dustbin of History. The Liberal Party and Justin Trudeau – son of late Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau were elected by acclamation. Mine was not one of his votes, but I do wish he and his Cabinet well. They have the Herculean task of undoing nearly 10 years of Harper damage. Especially wish my friend Harjit Sajjan well, as new Defense Minister. Australia’s ruling Liberal Party dumped their despotic leader, Prime Minister Tony Abbott.

HarperTrudeau Cabinet Tony Abbott

But I digress…

Watching American Pharoah and jockey Victor Espinoza romp home in the Kentucky Derby, for trainer Bob Baffert and Owner Ahmed Zayat, had my heart pounding. His victory in the Preakness Stakes left me breathless and fearfully hopeful. But his victory in the Belmont Stakes in early June, accomplished what no other horse has since Affirmed and jockey Steve Cauthen in 1978…They won the Triple Crown. It was the same feeling of elation I had, being at Belmont to see Affirmed win. The Heart of a Champions is biggest of all…

American Pharoah KD WinnersCircle

And then, that Cinderella of baseball teams, the Kansas City Royals – who knew only too well that defeat can be snatched from the jaws of victory, made it into the World Series again, looking to end a 30-year drought. What General Manager Dayton Moore and Manager Ned Yost did for team owner David D. Glass was magical. Salvador Perez, Drew Butera, Lorenzo Cain, Christian Colon, Johnny Cueto, Wade Davis,  Danny Duffy,  Jarrod Dyson, Alcides Escobar,  Alex Gordon, Kelvin Herrera, Luke Hochevar, Eric Hosmer, Ryan Madson, Kris Medlen, Raul Mondesi, Franklin Morales, Kendrys Morales, Mike Mousakis, Paulo Orlando, Alex Rios, Yordano Ventura, Edinson Volquez, Ben Zobrist  all played with The Heart of Champions.

KC Royals

So it comes down to this – Did Kansas City winning the World Series or American Pharoah winning the Triple Crown, stop the bombing in Syria, the carnage in Paris or the chaos in the Middle East? No, they did not. But sport is also  a metaphor for Life.

As that great wit and raconteur, the late and much-missed Yogi Berra said, it ain’t over til it’s over. Terrorism, genocide, refugee crisis’ – man’s inhumanity to man, will always be with us. Thankfully, the Kansas City Royals and American Pharoah continue to write their stories.  There will always be another pennant to chase, a baby champion to create  and an impossible race or game to win.

And there will always be a reason for Hope in The Better Angels of Our Nature.

 

The Rise and Fall of Canada’s Fourth Reich Part 2: Canada’s Long National Nightmare…

The Rise and Fall of Canada’s Fourth Reich Part 2: Canada’s Long National Nightmare

Harper Nude by Margaret Sutherland

And so the Election Writ has been dropped…early. In yet another opportunistic and cynical middle finger salute to Canadians, Stephen Harper has called for a longer election campaign designed to further bankrupt the country and put opposition parties in dire financial straits.

Dearies, the Greatest Prime Minister Canada Never Had, former UN Ambassador humanitarian, HIV/AIDS advocate and National Treasure, Stephen Lewis eloquently spoke for us all when he said:

Somewhere in my soul, I cherish the possibility of a return to a vibrant democracy where equality is the watchword, where policy is debated rather than demeaned, where the great issues of the day are given thoughtful consideration, where Canada’s place on the World stage is seen as principled and laudatory, where human rights for all is the emblem of a decent and civilized society…

Harper Ukraine  Harpers In India Harper G7 Remember Me Harper and Pope Cartoon Mike De Adder

Scorched Earth: For the past year or two, Stephen Harper has pretty much prorogued Parliament and spent much of his time abroad, where he receives a far warmer welcome than he does in Canadian communities. Staging cheesy photo-ops in Ukraine, Afghanistan, Iraq, Kuwait, India, France, Belgium, Poland and The Vatican was the order of the day

Harper Emperor    Tom Mulcair2  Justin Trudeau  Elizabeth May

Dear Leader has avoided having to answer those pesky questions about a tanking economy, healthcare cuts, and other thorny political issues. He has also been busy evening the score with Old Enemies. In his sociopathic mind ANYONE who is not for him – Is Against Him, and therefore on the Enemies List. This list includes everyone from The Supreme Court of Canada, his political opponents the NDP’s Thomas Mulcair, the Liberal’s Justin Trudeau, Green Party Leader Elizabeth May, Women, Teachers, Scientists (#MuzzledScience),  Unions and Journaliststo the First Nations, Metis and Inuit communities, Non-Profits and saddest of all…The Canadian People

Harper Hugs Baird  peter-mackay-wears-no-compromise-pro-gun-t-shirt  James Moore

The Night of the Long Knives: In the past 6-8 months, we have seen the defection of Harper’s closest cronies.  Foreign Affairs Minister John Baird screwed up Canadian Al Jazeera journalist Mohamed Fahmy’s release from an Egyptian prison, mollified Vladmir Putin, and has since gone to work for a rapacious mining company and a former Aussie Prime Minister, attempting to clean up UN agencies…forgive me if I puke here. The ultimate flyweight ex-Defense and current InJustice Minister Peter MacKay, is not running, in order to “spend more time with his family”. Industry Minister James Moore has also chosen “to spend more time” with wife and child after facing a firestorm over his sexting/extramarital affair RideMeWilfredGate.

Christian Paradis  Shelly Glover  Eve Adams and Trudeau

Christian Paradis the International Development Minister decamped, just as the magnitude of Canada’s trade deficits and growing recession became obvious to everyone except the Conservatives. Canadian Heritage and Official Languages Minister Shelly Glover stepped down, just before those horrific propaganda adds about Canada’s Arctic and the tragic Franklin Expedition began jamming the airwaves . Eve Adams defected to the Liberal Party (where, karmically, she lost her nomination!) but methinks she and former Conservative Party apparatchik and pimp Dimitri Soudas, are merely moles. So much for Conservative Family Values and commitment to this country, in its hour of need.

Harper Dropping Writ Toon MacKay  Nunavut Dump  MMIW

The Conservative War Coffers are bulging at the seams with taxpayer monies that they have illegally clawed back from social programs and the sale of stocks and other liquid cash holdings…THAT BELONG TO THE CANADIAN PEOPLE-NOT THE HARPER CONS. Stephen Harper and the Conservative Party of Canada are in essence BUYING THE CANADIAN ELECTION on the backs of Canadian families, our children, our Veterans, Murdered and Missing Indigenous Women (#MMIW), and on and on. (please see Part 1 of The Rise and Fall of Canada’s Fourth Reich)

Canadas Economic Action Plan Penises  Harper Sinking Ship Joe Oliver  Harper Pie For Everyone Toon  David Parkins Harper Vote Buying Scandal UCCB

Sucker-Punching Canadians With Their Own Money: In the weeks preceding the Writ being dropped, Harper and the Conservative Caucus fanned out across the country, in what is without doubt the most cynical, opportunistic orchestrated case of outright vote-buying in the Free World. More than 1 billion dollars in “giveaways” TO taxpayers, with their own money, was distributed  by Cabinet Ministers, with the same callousness of Marie Antoinette’s famed (and disputed) “Let them eat cake”. We all know how well that ended for Ms. Antoinette…but I digress.

Lies Herr Harper Told Me

Hitler and Leni Reifenstahl Harper and Jenni Byrne  Harper and Pierre Poilievre Joe Oliver Mad Hatter

Adolf Hitler worked closely with propaganda filmmaker extraordinaire Leni Riefenstahl. Stephen Harper and Jenni Byrne often make the Josef Goebbels and Third Reich propaganda machine look like pikers…but the premise is always the same. The Bigger the Lie, the easier it is to believe: The viciousness of the never-ending tax-payer funded TV attack ads is breath-taking. Harper propagandist-in-short-pants Pierre Poilievre, gushed that the Universal Childcare Credit Benefit (UCCB) that rolled out on July 30 was “Christmas in July for Canadian families”. Joe Oliver’s April Budget was an out and out LIE…sugar-coated in moonbeams and unicorns. In a floundering economy where the Loonie neared 70 cents to the US Dollar today, it most certainly IS NOT Xmas in July for Canadians.

Leona Aglukkaq Harper Franklin Expedition  Polar Bears Caribou

NO, Herr Harper Handmaiden, Environment Minister Leona Aglukkaq, Canada’s Arctic – its Peoples and wildlife are NOT safe from the ravages of Climate Change, Vladmir Putin or Conservative Party machinations! PM Harper’s new interest in history by creating lushly expensive Franklin Expedition ads (but cutting funding for the CBC whose documentarians could have done a better job) is ironic, given the fact that he is re-writing the history books as the most corrupt, paranoid and dishonest Canadian PM ever.  And YES, the Tar Sands Miracle has totally evaporated…And NO, Mr. Prime Minister, it is NOT Albertans Fault!

Truth and Reconciliation Toon De Adder Murray Sinclair  Valcourt_Mulcair-large-800x450

The Truth and Reconciliation Commission initiative earlier this year, said so much about Stephen Harper on several levels. Aboriginal Affairs Minister Bernard Valcourt, made me ashamed to be Canadian when he sat through a standing ovation for Supreme Court Justice Murray Sinclair’s moving speech about the importance of All Canadians learning from the National Shame that was the Residential School Scandal, its impact on society, and moving forward in a spirit of mutual respect and cooperation.

Harper Ramadan Meal at 24 Sussex  Mother Canada with UCCB Cheque  Veterans Slush Fund

Gone are the days when Pandering was a crime. In fact, Herr Harper and His Henchmen have perfected the art of pandering to EVERY relevant major voting block out there. Why just this year Dearies, he hosted a post-Ramadan feast at Sussex Drive FOR THE FIRST TIME. He offered financial support to a questionable monument on Cape Breton Island. Intended to honour those who served and died overseas. Mother Canada is offensively tasteless, as the Guardian puts it…as the same Stephen Harper continues to disrespect Canadian troops and Veterans by denying them benefits and services, and raiding their funding to “Balance The Budget”. Until he needs a cheesy staged photo-op, that is. This Prime Minister Know No Shame!

Harper Jesus  Harper Big Leader is Watching You  Harper Fear Harper Democracy Toon de Adder

And because there is only ONE person who can save Canadians from ourselves…. Stephen Harper, affectionately christened CPC Jesus by Vancouver Conservative MP Wai Young, has shut down any national or parliamentary debate about National Security, and rammed through Bill C-51. Surprisingly enough, Justin Trudeau supported the Bill. Thomas Mulcair and Elizabeth May did not. Now don’t get  me wrong Dearies, it is not that Canada doesn’t need a National Security Bill. It’s just that this Bill is so draconian in the way it has been deviously written. The implications of far-reaching secret security services stripping the democratic rights of everyday Canadians with NO recourse for citizens, is disturbing in the extreme. To say that Bill C-51 is perverse and an abomination, is an understatement.

Perhaps the greatest part of this Greek Tragedy is, that as much as we Canadians hate Stephen Harper, (and remember, Canadians rarely HATE their elected leaders we – dislike them, disapprove of them, are disappointed in them) Stephen Harper, who will do and say ANYTHING to cling to power…hates us even more.

electionfraud-600

When will Canada’s Long National Nightmare end? October 19 cannot come soon enough… It is your duty as a Canadian to register your displeasure at the ballot box, that last bastion of Canadian Democracy!! Your failure to Vote, essentially means that Fascism wins..

Many Thanks to Kingston Artist Margaret Sutherland, for her brilliant portrait of the Emperor With No Clothes.

I would like to thank the following political cartoonists for their incredible ability to capture the current Canadian political and social climate. In many ways,  cartoonists have become the voice and the conscience of Canadians everywhere…because a picture is indeed worth a thousand words:

  • Michael de Adder
  • Brian Gable
  • Victor Juhasz
  • Graeme MacKay
  • Bruce MacKinnon
  • Theo Moudakis
  • David Parkins
  • Greg Perry

Apologies for any acknowledgment omissions.

Miss Myrtle’s Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame Part 4

Illegitimi non carborundum – Don’t Let the Bastards Grind You Down

Here for your edification and enjoyment are yet more Inductees into the Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame. These are the folks who leave us dumbfounded, dumbstruck and dumbfucked, in no particular order:

DISCLAIMERS: Any picture/Inductee duplication is purely intentional. You may also notice that the majority of Inductees are men. Dearies, that should require no further explanation. This blog post has less written text and more photos…because a picture is worth a thousand words.

SPECIAL THANKS to Colonel Morris Davis, former Guantanamo Chief Prosecutor for creating the phrase Rectal Cranial Impaction

Your Nominations Are Welcomed

Al Jazeera     Mohame Fahmy    Sheikh Tamim Bin Hamad Al Thani

Al Jazeera and the Govt of Qatar Dearies, have always been a fan of Al Jazeera for shining a light on the world through the Arab lens, but that has changed with the disgraceful manipulation of Mohamed Fahmy & his colleagues Peter Grieste and Baher Mohamed in Egypt. The state-owned international news service put their journalists in harm’s way, then hung them out to dry. For ruling family leader Sheikh Tamim bin Hamad Al Thani, suing the Egyptian govt mid-trial is act of vindictive, ignorant & dangerous minds. SHAME ON THEM! Even Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott was able to affect the release of Peter Grieste. Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper, defector and former Minister of Foreign Affairs, John Baird and current Minister of Foreign Affairs Rob Nicholson,  have failed miserably in efforts to obtain freedom for Mohamed Fahmy. AM ASHAMED TO BE CANADIAN!

Monte McNaughton      Vito Barbieri     Nevada-Assemblywoman-Michele-Fiore-R-official-Facebook-page-800x430

Monte McNaughton, homophobic Conservative MPP suggested that openly lesbian Ontario Premier Kathleen Wynne should not be discussing proposed sex-ed curriculum with parents. Ms. Wynn responded with forceful intelligence, cutting McNaughton off at the knees.  Monte & his colleagues need to be sent to their rooms for a very long Time Out. Joining Monte in Time Out is Idaho Republican Rep Vito Barbieri, who thinks that women’s vaginas are connected to their stomachs. This should enable them to swallow a small camera for OBGYN exams, suggests the Capo di Tuto Medicos. Honestly, I can’t make this stuff up. The GOP are indeed the Party that keeps on giving, as underscored by Nevada Republican Rep Michele Fiore. Ms. Fiore assures us that cancer is a fungus, that can be washed away with baking soda! Rated No.1 Legislator by the Nevada Policy Research Institute (??!!??), Ms. Fiore is the poster girl for a state that is ground-zero for nuclear testing, home to the Mustang Ranch and that dystopian Disneyland – Las Vegas. Honestly Dearies, sooo wish there were a vaccination for STUPID…

RudyGiuliani   Phil Robertson   Tom COrbin

Speaking of stupid, Rudy Giuliani is at it again, race-baiting Americans with “Obama does not love America”. This sorry excuse of a man has squandered whatever good will he earned after 9/11. Alarmingly, he has become the poster child for the reactionary, fascist face of the GOP. He has subverted the meaning of patriotism.

And then we have another Biggeth Dicketh, CEO of Small Corporate Dynasties, Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty. Phil has become a Fox News Go-To-Guy when it comes to talking about Radical Islam. My question is, do the ducks have a “Come to Jesus” moment before he and the Clan pump them full of lead?

South Carolina State Republican Senator Tom Corbin thinks that “women are a lesser cut of meat”… and should be kept barefoot and pregnant. He apparently directed these wise remarks to his colleague, GOP state senator Katrina Shealy, during a legislative dinner discussing domestic violence legislation. Methinks Senator Tom is the poster child for spaying and neutering…

Caribou  SNC Lavalin  Radical Brownies

Dearies, it doesn’t get any more cynical than the Alberta Endangered Species Conservation Committee. “Despite its name, the ESCC amounts to little more than an industrial development club, and it is directly responsible for delays in critical caribou protections. The ESCC is an initiative of the Government of Alberta’s Ministry of Sustainable Resource Development (SRD), and has a short list of extractive industrial members including the Canadian Association of Petroleum Producers, two representatives from Alberta Forest Products Association, Alberta Fish and Game Association, Alberta Irrigation Projects Association and the Western Stock Growers’ Association” The Tar Sands destruction of arboreal caribou continues. By the by Dearies, when that great environmentalist Sarah Palin says that “caribou have to take one for the team”, this is what she means! Well it sure as hell isn’t my team…

Meanwhile in Quebec, that bastion of moral turpitude, SNC Lavalin Canada’s very own Halliburton, is facing charges of bribery and corruption. SNC Lavalin is alleged to have paid or offered millions to Muammar Gaddafi & his family in Libya, governments and individuals in Bangladesh and Canada, for construction, mining and other contracts. SNC Lavalin’s tentacles are everywhere. They are relatively new owners of CANDU Energy (Canadian nuclear reactors), acquired from the government’s Atomic Energy Canada. HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN WITHOUT ANY DISCUSSION???

Breitbart    faux news radical-brownies_c0-10-640-383_s561x327

It would take a cage match to the death, to decide whether Breitbart or Faux News were the most reprehensible, but Breitbart is racking up the points with its meltdown over Oakland’s Radical Brownies. This is a group of 8 to 10-year-old girls study social activism, inspired in part by the 60s radical group the Black Panthers. Breitbart calls the Radical Brownies a “horrifying” development that is so “creepy and fascist” as to beggar belief” .” Be afraid America…be very afraid

Canada  MMIW  Veterans Slush Fund

There is a Special Place in Hell reserved for the Government of Canada, who are forcing survivors of St. Anne’s Residential School, that used an electric chair to torture students, to go back to court yet again.They are demanding the release of documents outlining the  physical and sexual abuse that took place and implicating staff members. The Residential School Scandal Is Canada’s Shame!

That same government under Prime Minister Stephen Harper who said that “Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women are really not on my radar”, refuses to launch a national inquiry into over 1,200 #MMIW. Meanwhile, House Eskimo, Environment Minister Leona Aglukkaq ignores the plight of her starving constituents in Nunavut… This Is Canada’s Shame!

The Harper Regime continues to fight its own Veterans on every front! When not using them for cynical photo ops, the PM, Veterans Affairs & his Ministers are busy denying Veteran’s health claims, shutting down services for Veterans and eviscerating their pensions. This Is Canada’s Shame!

Am stopping here Dearies…it is all too depressing. So many Inductees, so little time

Remember to Submit Your Nominations to @MissMyrtle2

Many Thanks to Raw Story,  Mike Hudema-Canadian Green Party,  APTN News