Tag Archives: Tea Party

Where are Batman and Robin When You Really Need Them?

Batman Robin and Villains

Dearies, have been feeling a bit depressed, irritable and overwhelmed lately, truth be told.

The World is going to Hell in a Basket of Deplorables. And nobody seems able to stop it. The Armageddon Election, terrorist attacks, Syria, Palestine, South Sudan, Brexit, Ukraine,invasions, bombings, floods, earthquakes, forest fires, teachers strikes, drone strikes, melting glaciers, doomed species, political gridlock and enmity, cancer, suicide, death and destruction: the list goes on and on and on…It’s in our faces 24/7.

While listlessly draped on the sofa watching TV, quite by accident, flipped onto an old episode of Batman. Holy Bat Cave!!!

Laughed so hard for the next half hour, at the beautiful uncomplicated silliness of it all, and also cried- for the sheer joy of remembering a kinder, gentler time. As a kid, never ever missed a single original show, and the absurdly wonderful humor is even funnier today than it was then.

So many thoughts and memories:

Batman Villains

Ah, the Villains. Who can forget The Joker, Catwoman, The Penguin and The Riddler?  Their dastardly evil plots were quite benign by todays standards. The sheer joy with which Cesar Romero, Julie Newmar, Burgess Meredith, Frank Gorshin and others played their roles, was not lost on us kids. No scenery was left unchewed, no cliché held sacred…KAPOW!!!

The sets were absurdly simple and whimsical. Yes, they had a sense of whimsy without cutting-edge technology getting in the way. The props were hysterical. From the looks of the old TV episodes, it must have cost $50 to make a show, excluding actor’s salaries (which by today’s standards would be absurdly low). That includes costumes and make-up. The wonderful cheesiness of it all, enhanced the shared experience. WE HAD TO USE OUR IMAGINATIONS.

Reminds me of the early Dr. Who and the TARDIS/Phonebox from Britain’s BBC. The austere rough-hewn simplicity and boundless fun of its earlier incarnation was equally and wonderfully cheesy. These were afterall, the same folks who brought us Bill and Ben the Flowerpot Men.

The sheer darkness and introspection of what followed, the Big Screen versions of Batman and Robin, have to a large degree mirrored the ever darkening lens of world events. Early magical Super Heroes like Adam West and Burt Ward, have been supplanted by the likes of Henry Cavill, Christian Bale and Robert Downey Jr., worthy actors in their own right, commanding a larger, brooding stage.

The gazillion dollar budgets for each new Batman movie and its Super Hero cousins, become more obscene with every film. These budgets could lift several Third World countries out of poverty permanently. But I digress…

The witty repartee flew fast and furious with each Batman TV episode. Even as kids, we knew it was funny and as  an adult, it is even funnier.

Thelonius Armstrong compiled a list of some of “Adam West’s Funniest Quotes as Batman” and I would like to discuss each of them. They are so relevant to the world that we find ourselves in these days:

Batman POW 2

  1. “It’s obvious. Only a criminal would disguise himself as a licensed, bonded guard yet callously park in front of a fire hydrant.”  Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin need to be tied to fire hydrants and forced to watch old Batman TV episodes
  2. Batman SPLATT!
  3. We’ve come a long way from the Prime Minister’s exploding cake. Or have we?” Actually Dearies, we still have a ways to go. Political and character assassinations have become a way of life, and are much less fun than exploding cake. In some ways, Paul Ryan has become the Martha Stewart of exploding cake.
  4. “A reporter’s lot is not easy, making exciting stories out of plain, average, ordinary people like Robin and me.” As Comrade Trump and Fox News never tire of telling us, media needs grist for its never-ending 24/7 mill. As Vladimir Putin’s minions would tell you, hacking makes it a hell of a lot easier.
  5. “It’s sometimes difficult to think clearly when you’re strapped to a printing press.” Hmmm, wouldn’t if be fun to strap Comrade Trump and Vladimir Putin to a printing press…

Batman

5. Robin: “You can’t get away from Batman that easy!”

Batman: “Easily.”

Robin: “Easily.”

Batman: “Good grammar is essential, Robin.”

Robin: “Thank you.”

Batman: “You’re welcome.”

Dearies, never has there been a greater need for both civility, and good grammar. Bigly! Canadian, American and European politicians are constantly breaking new ground in nastiness. And in the Ukraine, why they just throw their politicians into the dumpster Listen to any of Canada’s CBC (Our version of The Beeb) radio’s news broadcasts, and you will want to throw yourself in front of a bus, over the appalling grammar.

Batman Pharoah

6. “Yes, he moves very quickly for an overstuffed and unlikely Egyptian Pharaoh” Dearies, I admit to almost being at a loss with this one. No, hold on, am getting a picture of Governor Chris Christie in my mind…

  1.  Robin: “Let’s go!”

Batman: “Not you, Robin. They have strict licensing laws in this country. A boy of your age is not allowed in a drinking tavern.” Dearies, haven’t been in a drinking tavern in years. Have left all that to Steve Bannon. Funny how in the US you can do your grocery shopping and buy all the alcohol you need at the same time. Here in Cantada, well British Columbia to be exact, I have to go to the government liquor store to buy my champers.

Batman Robin Chief OHara Commiss Gordon

8. Chief O’Hara: “Will you be wanting extra police protection?”

Batman: “No thank you, Chief O’Hara. This time I think Robin and I better go at it alone. Any large contingent of police officers might create unnecessary confusion.

Well, this is a no-brainer – If I see one more cheesy photo-op of Comrade Trump and gaggles of law-enforcement officers, am going to puke!

Batman Catwoman

9. “Catwoman, I find you to be odious, abhorrent, and insegrievious.”I just adore that word insegrievious. Am going to make it my word of the month. And how anyone could find the delectable Julie Newmar odious, is beyond me.

Batman

10. “Robin: Where’d you get a live fish, Batman?”

Batman: “The true crimefighter always carries everything he needs in his utility belt, Robin.”

Dearies, it is quite clear to me that Paul Ryan, Mitch McConnell and the usual GOP Jesus suspects have NEVER lived by this critical rule

Batman Words 3

11.  “It is the duty of every good citizen of Gotham City to report meeting a man from Mars in a public park”. Will keep this in mind while watching the next episode of “Homeland” or during the next ICE raids rounding up “illegal immigrants”.

12.   “No, Robin. With my head sticking out of this neosaurus costume, I might not appear like an ordinary, run of the mill crimefighter.”  Said Attorney General Jeff Sessions to to no one in particular.

13. .“Bartender, a bit of advice. Always inspect a jukebox carefully. These machines can be deadly.”  This ad hominem always worked well on “Cheers” and in various pubs in Northern Ireland.

14. “Let that be a lesson. In future, be more careful from who you accept free lemonade.”  With apologies to those in Jonestown but not those in The Tea Party…

Batman Robin Climbing Bldg

15.  (after coming through Barbara’s window): “We would have entered the building by more conventional means, but we didn’t want to startle the tenants.”  I believe the Navy Seals who found and killed Osama Bin Laden, live by this motto.

Thank You Thelonius Armstrong.

So Dearies, after putting these thoughts to paper, metaphorically speaking, am starting to breathe a bit easier, to feel a certain heaviness lifting off my chest. Feel somewhat re-enerergized and ready to fight yet another day in the trenches. All thanks to the Original Guys in Tights, those fearless and pithy crimefighters, The Caped Crusader and Robin.

They weren’t slick, they weren’t technologically advanced. They just got the job done. And made us laugh along the way. Raising a glass of champers to Batman and Robin, and All Who Sailed with Them…

***Footnote: Raising a glass or 3 in Memory of The ONLY Batman who could make us laugh, the late Adam West. To Live in Hearts We Leave Behind, Is Not to Die.

Batman Alfred 2

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Miss Myrtle’s Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame Part 8

Illegitimi non carborundum – Don’t Let the Bastards Grind You Down

Bugs and Daffy Around Campfire

Here for your edification and enjoyment are yet more Inductees into the Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame. These are the folks who leave us dumbfounded, dumbstruck and dumbfucked, in no particular order:

DISCLAIMERS: Any picture/Inductee duplication is purely intentional. You may also notice that the majority of Inductees are men. Dearies, that should require no further explanation. This blog post includes text and photos…because a picture is worth a thousand words.

SPECIAL THANKS to Colonel Morris Davis, former Guantanamo Chief Prosecutor for creating the phrase Rectal Cranial Impaction

OMG, Iowa Caucuses are really over and the “Our liberties we prize and our rights we will maintain” folks have spoken. Firstly, let me say that as a Canadian, this is one of the things I love about American politics. It is messy, it is exasperating, entertaining and for the most part, it is all out there. We Canucks are more politically anally retentive as demonstrated by the former fascist Stephen Harper government, which shut down all national debate and discussion…but I digress.

Donald Trump

Cirque Du Toupee was handed a humiliating defeat at the hands of Ted Cruz.  Showing fake humility when conceding, Donald Trump reverted to form in a relentless and hysterical twitter rant the next morning calling Cruz a liar and cheat, and demanding a do-over. Revealed for the sniveling whiner that he is, Cirque Du Toupee is heading for implosion. and its going to be UGE! Ted Cruz, that picture-perfect Tea Party evangelical prays to a GOP Jesus who is so hateful it is embarrassing. Perhaps he comes by that genetically.  Cruz’s father Rafael is a Cuban emigre and RWNJ evangelical preacher who encourages congregants to “tithe mightily”. Speaking of tithing mightily, Ted is married to Heidi Cruz, a Goldman Sachs investment manager. Needless to say. Goldman Sachs has been a big Cruz Campaign supporter. Add the fact that Ted is mucho unpopular in Congress and out, and he fits in perfectly into the GOP Clown Car.

Donald Tump Toon Varvel   Ted Cruz

Uncle Ben Carson DID NOT QUIT THE RACE but has yet to show up in New Hampshire. Apparently he flew to Florida because he needs a change of clothes, a nap and Plan B. Oh, and he’s furious with Ted Cruz…whose campaign apparently spread rumors that he had quit. Honestly Dearies, I can’t make this stuff up and it truly isn’t brain surgery. The GOP and GOP Clown Car are indeed The Gift That Keeps On Giving.

Ben Carson

Here in Beautiful British Columbia, Conservative-In-Liberal-Clothing Christy Clark posed for yet another cheesy photo op after FINALLY being dragged kicking and screaming to sign legislation to preserve our Great Bear Rain Forest and the iconic Spirit Bear. First Nations, for whom the Rain Forest has been home for thousands of years, are also its guardians. As part of the Rainforest Solutions Project, they have relentlessly pursued The Great Bear Rainforest Order on our behalf. See the link to Elizabeth McSheffrey‘s excellent article in the National Observer, below. You know an election is on the horizon next year, because taking a page from the Fourth Reich & Stephen Harper playbook, warm fuzzy TV ads are playing relentlessly, telling us how wonderfully Christy has NOT been doing for BC children and families…The Bigger The Lie

Great Bear RainForest

WTF is up with the NFL? They are still partnered with that paragon of slave labor Papa John’s Pizza for the Super Bowl. Papa John’s Owner John Schnatter was successfully sued by New York State Attorney General Eric Schneiderman, for amongst other things, wage theft. Shame on NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell & Co. Methinks we probably won’t be seeing any public service announcements about concussions, during the game…

Roger Goodell   PAPA JOHNSJohn Shnatter and Peyton Manning

There is a Special Place In Hell reserved for Shepherdsville Kentucky’s classy Mayor Scott Ellis who admitted to soliciting & receiving sex in return for helping parolees, but defiantly refused to resign. “I needed a blowjob” said Hiz Honor. His partners in crime, Bullitt County Sheriff’s Office  fired Detective Lynn Hunt after she uncovered enough evidence to arrest Ellis. Special Prosecutor Mark Shouse “went where the evidence took me” – NOT. The Good Ole’ Boys Club is alive and well in Shepherdsville Kentucky Y’All! Joining Ellis in hell is anti-abortion rights activist and sweet little old lady, Pat Lohman who secretly bought abortion clinics and lured in poor and vulnerable clients who thought they were Pro-Choice. Once there, potential clients were struck by the wrath of god and persuaded not to have an abortion. See the link to Petula Dvorak‘s article in the Washington Post, below. Am willing to bet my life that Pat Lohman would be horrified if you suggested that she take financial care of all of the poor babies she forces into this world. Hallelujah and pass the poverty!

Scott Ellis    Dvorak__1331454537890

Hell-bound too is Martin Shkreli, the Wall Street PharmaScum appeared before a congressional committee this week and smirked his way through the hearing about pharmaceutical price gouging and his companies Valeant Pharmaceuticals International Inc. and Turing Pharmaceuticals AG.  Of course Shkreli invoked the Fifth.  He later tweeted that committee-members were imbeciles. It is comforting to know that this scumbag will probably be convicted on unrelated federal fraud charges. Dare I suggest that Shkreli is a text-book narcissistic sociopath-which describes so many on Wall Street. Am sure his bravado will quickly fade in the general prison population with his new boyfriends…

Martin Shkreli AP_martin_shkreli_as_04_160204_4x3_992

Am nursing a migraine after discussing all of this buffoonery. There is never a shortage of Inductees, on the contrary too many and too little space.

PLEASE tweet me your suggestions for future Inductees into the Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame… Your input is invaluable! And Keep The Flag Flying @MissMyrtle2

Many Thanks to The Looney Tunes Show, Political Cartoonist Varvel, @NYDailyNews  Elizabeth McSheffrey @NatObserver @emcsheff  http://www.savethegreatbear.org/region/first_nations, Petula Devorak @petulad @washingtonpost http://wpo.st/HAS91 @RawStory

 

 

The Rise and Fall of Canada’s Fourth Reich

Harper Netanyahu

Dearies, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper is the country’s most reviled leader since…well, forever. He has dragged this once proud nation down through the mud, pitting Canadians against one another.

It is with a heavy heart that I write my thoughts here. I do not take this lightly…

In Franklin Shaffer’s 1978 thriller The Boys From Brazil, based on the Ira Levin novel, “Dr. Josef Mengele (Gregory Peck) clones Hitler 95 times, and hopes to raise the resulting boys in Brazil, giving them childhoods identical to Hitler’s. His ultimate plan is to create a band of Nazi leaders that can continue where Hitler left off, forming the Fourth Reich”. He then sends them out into the World, to be activated in the future. He is pursued by aging Nazi Hunter Sir Laurence Olivier.

Bear with me here, Dearies. My theory is that Stephen Harper is indeed one of those very boys… metaphysically speaking.

Preston Manning   Brian Mulroney & Reagan

Stephen Harper has overseen the final transformation of the far right-wing evangelical Alberta Alliance Party into the most corrupt iteration of the once proud Conservative Party of Canada (as if that were possible, after Brian Mulroney).  He has outdone even the Godfather, Preston Manning. Any comparisons to the GOP Tea Party and its minions, are well-earned. It is almost as if they were functioning by the same play book.

Veterans Slush Fund    MMIW   Leona Aglukkaq

From cutting Veterans Benefits – THIS IS CANADA’S SHAME,  to saying in a nationally televised interview, that 1,200 Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women (#MMIW) are not really on his radar-THIS IS CANADA’S SHAME! To Inuit seniors being reduced to scavenging for food in dumpsters, while Herr Harper’s handmaiden and House Eskimo Nunavut Minister Leona Aglukkaq sulks behind a newspaper in Parliament – THIS IS CANADA’S SHAME! To denying needy Veteran’s medical and pension claims and forcing them to PROVE that they have lost limbs, every three years… and on and on and on, ad nauseam. It does not get more shameful than this.

Stephen Harper has pretty much prorogued Parliament since he first became Prime Minister. He has shut down parliamentary and national debate at every level… so much for Democracy. At the very same time he has revved up a Goebbels-like propaganda machine, the likes of which this country has never seen.

Harper  Nunavut Dump  Polar Bears

At the expense of the Canadian Taxpayer he has stage-managed his very own Nuremberg Rallies, The Conservative Party of Canada version is constantly staged photo ops with military personnel – while cynically denying them benefits and aid. More photo ops in the North, a smiling Harper in traditional parka, avoids the still smoldering Nunavut Trash Dump and melting icecaps where polar bears are the canary in that coalmine.

The virtual Nuremberg Rallies take place on social media, because after all, the Conservatives are nothing if not social media savvy. Citizenship and Immigration Canada touting “economic workers” and fast-tracking “economic immigrants” with $$$ is beyond cynical. It translates into either offshore buyers mainly from Asia and South Asia who scoop up expensive real estate in Vancouver and Toronto and do NOT become residents… to poor workers coming to low-paying jobs that are in essence taking those same low-paying jobs away from Canadians. It doesn’t get more cynical than this.

Canadas Economic Action Plan Penises  Immigration Canada  Caribou Mark Carney

Oh wait a moment, yes it does Dearies. Canada’s Economic Action Plan is bombarding the airwaves. As real put-food on the table and a roof-over-your-head jobs disappear, the Tar Sands miracle evaporates, and the Loonie plummets – The Conservatives and Harper would have us believe that we never had it so good. The Canadian Economy continues to tank, and the first sign of that was a subtle one methinks – Former Governor of the Bank of Canada Mark Carney deserts the sinking ship to sail to Old Blighty and become Governor of the Bank of England.

There is indeed a sucker born every minute. And Canadians have to be some of the biggest suckers in the world. Somebody keeps voting Herr Harper and his henchmen into power, and it sure as hell isn’t me…

Harper Hugs Baird peter-mackay-wears-no-compromise-pro-gun-t-shirt  Julian Fantino Rob and Doug Ford

You are often judged by the company you keep. As Canada’s Commander-in-Chief, Stephen Harper helped create such monstrous buffoons as former Toronto Mayor Rob Ford ( and big bro Doug). This drug-addicted trash-talking mayor of Canada’s largest city made it and the country the punchline of late-night comedy jokes. Former Foreign Affairs Minister John Baird failed to secure the release of Canadian journalist Mohamed Fahmy from an Egyptian jail, mollified Vladmir Putin and then jumped ship when the going got rough. Former Defence and now Minister of Injustice Peter MacKay is a gun activist and flyweight supreme. Former Veterans Affairs Minister Julian Fantino insulted Veterans and cut their hard-won  benefits, Former Health and now Environment Minister Leona Aglukkaq is virtually overseeing the genocide of her own People: seniors and others starving, astronomical youth suicide rates and ironically enough as “Environment” Minister, the melting of the Arctic.

Patrick Brazeau  Idle No More   temporary-shelter-in-attawapiskat (1)

Oh yes, we cannot forget former patronage appointee Conservative Senator Patrick Brazeau, abuser of women, who now runs a strip club steps away from Parliament Hill. Adding to Canada’s international shame is the determined effort of the Harper Cons to scrap First Nations consultations and negotiations while ramming through pipelines and tanker ports. Not to mention keeping First Nations and Metis peoples living in Third World Conditions… Atawapiskat amongst others is the poster-child for genocide by a thousand cuts

goebbels  pierre poilievre   CBC  Mansbridge

The Harper version of The Night of the Long Knives has been to muzzle the press and character assassinate anyone and I do mean ANYONE who speaks out against him. The once proud CBC has been co-opted to act as the Conservative Party PR machine. Propaganda Minister Pierre Poilievre is casting his taxpayer-funded vanity ad net everywhere, and Nightly News anchor Peter Mansbridge fits right in. Is it just me Dearies, or do they bear a startling resemblance to Josef Goebbels? But I digress…

Mike Duffy  IMG_4959.JPG.jpeg

Wait, what light through yonder window breaks? ‘Tis Mike Duffy and the Senate Scandal, and “Anti-Terror” Bill C-51. How  ironic is it that an old CBC hack and blowhard may issue the first crack in the Conservative Party warship hull. And speaking of war, Herr Harper has stricken fear in the hearts of Canadians – fear of “terrorists”, fear of one another. Of course he is the only one capable of saving us from ourselves and the Democracy that my father and grandfather fought for…ergo Bill C-51.

Harpers With Cats

So Dearies, methinks there is just no getting around making comparisons to the last days of The Third Reich, and the twilight of the Alliance/Conservative Party of Canada. Laureen Harper, that Stepford First Lady, plays Eva to her husband’s Fuehrer. They are both hunkered down in the Bunker…that metapyhisical closet,  surrounded by sycophants.

If ever there was a time for the Forces of Good to rise up against the Forces of Evil, the time is now. If Canadians fail to excercise their franchise, they will continue to struggle in The Darkness that they have earned.

This cannot end well for Harper and the “Conservative” Party..but the damage they have done to Canada is irreparable. And for that…THEY SHOULD BE ASHAMED!